Monday, 5 December 2016

NewStar Berkeley Fund CLO closes at $505 million

Yeah, it, uh, clo clo clo ... closes at $505 million. 'Christ! I'm glad you got that out, boss. Have you got a stutter now?' No, Voice, they have. 'Who?' NewStar Financial, based in Boston. 'Ah, Boston, Lincolnshire. I see. Fucking strange place for a fund!' No, idiot! Boston, Massachusetts. 'Oh, in America. That makes a lot more sense.' Of course it does!

NewStar Financial, Inc. is an internally-managed commercial finance company with more than $6 billion of assets managed across two complementary business lines - middle market direct lending and asset management. The Company's direct lending activities are focused on meeting the complex financing needs of companies and private investors in the middle markets through three specialized lending groups that offer a range of flexible debt financing options to fund working capital, growth strategies, acquisitions and recapitalizations, as well as, equipment purchases. Credit investments are originated directly though teams of experienced, senior bankers and marketing officers organized around key industry and market segments.

And there's more, but ... ah, that's enough, you dig? We've got the basic idea now of what this firm is. 'Shame they closed at $505 million. They could have gone for a cool billion.' A cool billion might have been too much, Voice. In my opinion, they should have gone for a very nice $600 million. However, it's their life, you know? Their business. I'm not going to interfere. / More about the fund -

The NewStar Berkeley Fund CLO (the "Berkeley Fund") represents the fourth in a series of managed credit funds focused on middle market senior debt originated through NewStar's direct lending platform.

Berkeley Fund is structured as a Collateralized Loan Obligation (CLO) to provide financial leverage intended to magnify asset-level returns for equity investors.

Upsized from initial target of $400 million to $505 million due to strong investor demand.


Well, that's interesting! 'Upsized from $400 million!' Yeah. Well, I take my hat off to them, then. At least they've got a bit of ambition! 'Shame about the very nice $600 million, boss.' Shut up about that! Yes, they could have gone for it, but I don't want them reading this post and feeling bad about themselves. I'm in this game to give people a boost, after all. 'Of course. You're a great humanitarian.' Yes. Yes, I am.

...

Anything else? Not really. Is it Christmas yet? I need a break. 'Three more weeks of this crap, Mikey.' Jesus!

Well, there's no rest for the wicked. (Not yet.) I'll be doing a conceptual later, No. 470, for my peccadilloes.

Thursday, 1 December 2016

Hey, man, let's talk about money!

But it all depends on where you are. Are you up north, dear reader(s)? Or are you down south? 'Christ! What fresh nonsense is this? What on earth are you going on about, boss?!' Ha! It's the Thursday morning PR email, my little invisible friend, back by popular demand ... as you can probably imagine.

Apparently, southern families spend more time talking about money than northern families. 'Oh, says who?' Says the RCI Bank -

Families in the south of the UK spend more time talking and thinking about money, exclusive research from RCI Bank has revealed, with the top four cities for money talk located in the southern part of the UK. On average, families living in southern England spend over hour and a half (1 hr 32 mins) discussing money each week, compared to an hour and 17 minutes spent by families living in northern England. With Christmas around the corner, families are also using savings as a buffer to cover their festive spending.

'Are these guys for real?!' Yes, Voice. 'Come on! Does it really matter that southern families spend fifteen minutes more each week discussing money?' Well ... / Just shut up!

Money issues have traditionally been seen as taboo for Brits to discuss at the kitchen table, but families are now spilling the beans on their money ideas and concerns, with one in ten (8%) families across the UK admitting to always having money matters on their mind or talking about them out loud. RCI Bank's exclusive data further reveals that on a national level, a quarter (25%) of families are now spending on average over 21 hours per year more thinking and talking about money than they were six months ago, with one in ten (9%) spending at least two extra hours per week doing it.

Well ... 'Absolutely ridiculous, Mikey!' It must mean something to somebody. Jean-Louis Labauge cares about it. 'Who the hell is he?!' Christ!

Jean-Louis Labauge, CEO of RCI Bank, said: "With political and financial uncertainty continuing to be felt following the Brexit vote and the recent US election, it is clear that families across the UK are keen to voice their money concerns, with the aim of strengthening their financial situation. Whilst it's encouraging to see southern families taking up the money talk mantle, hopefully families in the north and the UK's older generations will be upping their money talk in the future."

Er ... yeah. 'Ha!' Well, there's Brexit, man. Brexit has ruined things for a lot of people. 'A little bit of politics, dear reader(s).' However, I'm not Ben Elton. Er ... 'Is there much more of this?' Yes. I think I'll just finish with Christmas -

The impact of Christmas. With Christmas fast approaching, a third (30%) of adults are planning to dig into their savings in order to cover their festive spending habits, with a further one in ten (13%) using their credit cards and one in 20 (5%) having to use their overdraft.

So, it's going to be a Money Christmas. 'What's new?' / Ah, that's it. 'Enough already.' Exactly. People who talk about money all the time really annoy me.

Wednesday, 30 November 2016

[No. 469] This is my Christmas party!

It will last forever.

And Aviva Investors can't beat this - ![1], and, kook(s), ha! ... you are so welcome, seriously / ah, be my guest(s)[1], and Aviva Investors can't beat this - ![2], and ... as usual[1], and, kook(s), ha! ... you are so welcome, seriously / ah, be my guest(s)[2], and it's my party / and I will spin a-ROUND if I want to ... / Who's going to stop me?[1], and ... as usual[2], and, squares, keep your consciousness ness out of mine ...[1], and it's my party / and I will spin a-ROUND if I want to ... / Who's going to stop me?[2], and I ain't no fat man coming down some chimney, FFS! / and I got real class, you dig?[1], and, squares, keep your consciousness ness out of mine ...[2], and ... believe in miracles, please![1], and I ain't no fat man coming down some chimney, FFS! / and I got real class, you dig?[2], and, babe ... kiss me under the mistletoe, faster than the speed of light / uh, I get a-ROUND, yeah[1], and ... believe in miracles, please![2], and everyone's having FUN!!![1], and, babe ... kiss me under the mistletoe, faster than the speed of light / uh, I get a-ROUND, yeah[2], and will it snow in the cold world of nightmares? / Oh, who cares?! We've got our sweet dreams![1], and everyone's having FUN!!![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... so DIZZY(!) / Who needs alcohol?[1], and will it snow in the cold world of nightmares? / Oh, who cares?! We've got our sweet dreams![2], and I love this time of eternity, really love it[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... so DIZZY(!) / Who needs alcohol?[2], and if it gets too much, you can lie down with an astral cushion on the old plane, uh, I'm sure[1], and I love this time of eternity, really love it[2], and good luck with keeping your Christmas pudding down![1], and if it gets too much, you can lie down with an astral cushion on the old plane, uh, I'm sure[2], and I ain't no Scrooge, man / and YOU(!) can spin a-ROUND as much as you need to[1], and good luck with keeping your Christmas pudding down![2], and I know you need to ...[1], and I ain't no Scrooge, man / and YOU(!) can spin a-ROUND as much as you need to[2], and we all get the urge, sometimes ... / ... and this ... is for all times, so ...[1], and I know you need to ...[2], and Christmas, Christmas, Christmas - !!! / Well, it's so good I just had to say it three times ... at least[1], and we all get the urge, sometimes ... / ... and this ... is for all times, so ...[2], and ... one more for the road - ?![1], and Christmas, Christmas, Christmas - !!! / Well, it's so good I just had to say it three times ... at least[2], and ... YES(!) many times[1], and ... one more for the road - ?![2], and Aviva Investors can't beat this - ![3], and ... YES(!) many times[2], and, kook(s), ha! ... you are so welcome, seriously / ah, be my guest(s)[3], and ... as usual[3], and it's my party / and I will spin a-ROUND if I want to ... / Who's going to stop me?[3], and, squares, keep your consciousness ness out of mine ...[3], and I ain't no fat man coming down some chimney, FFS! / and I got real class, you dig?[3], and ... believe in miracles, please![3], and, babe ... kiss me under the mistletoe, faster than the speed of light / uh, I get a-ROUND, yeah[3], and everyone's having FUN!!![3], and will it snow in the cold world of nightmares? / Oh, who cares?! We've got our sweet dreams![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... so DIZZY(!) / Who needs alcohol?[3], and I love this time of eternity, really love it[3], and if it gets too much, you can lie down with an astral cushion on the old plane, uh, I'm sure[3], and good luck with keeping your Christmas pudding down![3], and I ain't no Scrooge, man / and YOU(!) can spin a-ROUND as much as you need to[3], and I know you need to ...[3], and we all get the urge, sometimes ... / ... and this ... is for all times, so ...[3], and Christmas, Christmas, Christmas - !!! / Well, it's so good I just had to say it three times ... at least[3], and ... one more for the road - ?![3], and ... YES(!) many times[3], and

And Aviva Investors can't beat this - ![1], and, kook(s), ha! ... you are so welcome, seriously / ah, be my guest(s)[1], and Aviva Investors can't beat this - ![2], and ... as usual[1], and, kook(s), ha! ... you are so welcome, seriously / ah, be my guest(s)[2], and it's my party / and I will spin a-ROUND if I want to ... / Who's going to stop me?[1], and ... as usual[2], and, squares, keep your consciousness ness out of mine ...[1], and it's my party / and I will spin a-ROUND if I want to ... / Who's going to stop me?[2], and I ain't no fat man coming down some chimney, FFS! / and I got real class, you dig?[1], and, squares, keep your consciousness ness out of mine ...[2], and ... believe in miracles, please![1], and I ain't no fat man coming down some chimney, FFS! / and I got real class, you dig?[2], and, babe ... kiss me under the mistletoe, faster than the speed of light / uh, I get a-ROUND, yeah[1], and ... believe in miracles, please![2], and everyone's having FUN!!![1], and, babe ... kiss me under the mistletoe, faster than the speed of light / uh, I get a-ROUND, yeah[2], and will it snow in the cold world of nightmares? / Oh, who cares?! We've got our sweet dreams![1], and everyone's having FUN!!![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... so DIZZY(!) / Who needs alcohol?[1], and will it snow in the cold world of nightmares? / Oh, who cares?! We've got our sweet dreams![2], and I love this time of eternity, really love it[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... so DIZZY(!) / Who needs alcohol?[2], and if it gets too much, you can lie down with an astral cushion on the old plane, uh, I'm sure[1], and I love this time of eternity, really love it[2], and good luck with keeping your Christmas pudding down![1], and if it gets too much, you can lie down with an astral cushion on the old plane, uh, I'm sure[2], and I ain't no Scrooge, man / and YOU(!) can spin a-ROUND as much as you need to[1], and good luck with keeping your Christmas pudding down![2], and I know you need to ...[1], and I ain't no Scrooge, man / and YOU(!) can spin a-ROUND as much as you need to[2], and we all get the urge, sometimes ... / ... and this ... is for all times, so ...[1], and I know you need to ...[2], and Christmas, Christmas, Christmas - !!! / Well, it's so good I just had to say it three times ... at least[1], and we all get the urge, sometimes ... / ... and this ... is for all times, so ...[2], and ... one more for the road - ?![1], and Christmas, Christmas, Christmas - !!! / Well, it's so good I just had to say it three times ... at least[2], and ... YES(!) many times[1], and ... one more for the road - ?![2], and Aviva Investors can't beat this - ![3], and ... YES(!) many times[2], and, kook(s), ha! ... you are so welcome, seriously / ah, be my guest(s)[3], and ... as usual[3], and it's my party / and I will spin a-ROUND if I want to ... / Who's going to stop me?[3], and, squares, keep your consciousness ness out of mine ...[3], and I ain't no fat man coming down some chimney, FFS! / and I got real class, you dig?[3], and ... believe in miracles, please![3], and, babe ... kiss me under the mistletoe, faster than the speed of light / uh, I get a-ROUND, yeah[3], and everyone's having FUN!!![3], and will it snow in the cold world of nightmares? / Oh, who cares?! We've got our sweet dreams![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... so DIZZY(!) / Who needs alcohol?[3], and I love this time of eternity, really love it[3], and if it gets too much, you can lie down with an astral cushion on the old plane, uh, I'm sure[3], and good luck with keeping your Christmas pudding down![3], and I ain't no Scrooge, man / and YOU(!) can spin a-ROUND as much as you need to[3], and I know you need to ...[3], and we all get the urge, sometimes ... / ... and this ... is for all times, so ...[3], and Christmas, Christmas, Christmas - !!! / Well, it's so good I just had to say it three times ... at least[3], and ... one more for the road - ?![3], and ... YES(!) many times[3], and

And Aviva Investors can't beat this - ![1], and, kook(s), ha! ... you are so welcome, seriously / ah, be my guest(s)[1], and Aviva Investors can't beat this - ![2], and ... as usual[1], and, kook(s), ha! ... you are so welcome, seriously / ah, be my guest(s)[2], and it's my party / and I will spin a-ROUND if I want to ... / Who's going to stop me?[1], and ... as usual[2], and, squares, keep your consciousness ness out of mine ...[1], and it's my party / and I will spin a-ROUND if I want to ... / Who's going to stop me?[2], and I ain't no fat man coming down some chimney, FFS! / and I got real class, you dig?[1], and, squares, keep your consciousness ness out of mine ...[2], and ... believe in miracles, please![1], and I ain't no fat man coming down some chimney, FFS! / and I got real class, you dig?[2], and, babe ... kiss me under the mistletoe, faster than the speed of light / uh, I get a-ROUND, yeah[1], and ... believe in miracles, please![2], and everyone's having FUN!!![1], and, babe ... kiss me under the mistletoe, faster than the speed of light / uh, I get a-ROUND, yeah[2], and will it snow in the cold world of nightmares? / Oh, who cares?! We've got our sweet dreams![1], and everyone's having FUN!!![2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... so DIZZY(!) / Who needs alcohol?[1], and will it snow in the cold world of nightmares? / Oh, who cares?! We've got our sweet dreams![2], and I love this time of eternity, really love it[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... so DIZZY(!) / Who needs alcohol?[2], and if it gets too much, you can lie down with an astral cushion on the old plane, uh, I'm sure[1], and I love this time of eternity, really love it[2], and good luck with keeping your Christmas pudding down![1], and if it gets too much, you can lie down with an astral cushion on the old plane, uh, I'm sure[2], and I ain't no Scrooge, man / and YOU(!) can spin a-ROUND as much as you need to[1], and good luck with keeping your Christmas pudding down![2], and I know you need to ...[1], and I ain't no Scrooge, man / and YOU(!) can spin a-ROUND as much as you need to[2], and we all get the urge, sometimes ... / ... and this ... is for all times, so ...[1], and I know you need to ...[2], and Christmas, Christmas, Christmas - !!! / Well, it's so good I just had to say it three times ... at least[1], and we all get the urge, sometimes ... / ... and this ... is for all times, so ...[2], and ... one more for the road - ?![1], and Christmas, Christmas, Christmas - !!! / Well, it's so good I just had to say it three times ... at least[2], and ... YES(!) many times[1], and ... one more for the road - ?![2], and Aviva Investors can't beat this - ![3], and ... YES(!) many times[2], and, kook(s), ha! ... you are so welcome, seriously / ah, be my guest(s)[3], and ... as usual[3], and it's my party / and I will spin a-ROUND if I want to ... / Who's going to stop me?[3], and, squares, keep your consciousness ness out of mine ...[3], and I ain't no fat man coming down some chimney, FFS! / and I got real class, you dig?[3], and ... believe in miracles, please![3], and, babe ... kiss me under the mistletoe, faster than the speed of light / uh, I get a-ROUND, yeah[3], and everyone's having FUN!!![3], and will it snow in the cold world of nightmares? / Oh, who cares?! We've got our sweet dreams![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... so DIZZY(!) / Who needs alcohol?[3], and I love this time of eternity, really love it[3], and if it gets too much, you can lie down with an astral cushion on the old plane, uh, I'm sure[3], and good luck with keeping your Christmas pudding down![3], and I ain't no Scrooge, man / and YOU(!) can spin a-ROUND as much as you need to[3], and I know you need to ...[3], and we all get the urge, sometimes ... / ... and this ... is for all times, so ...[3], and Christmas, Christmas, Christmas - !!! / Well, it's so good I just had to say it three times ... at least[3], and ... one more for the road - ?![3], and ... YES(!) many times[3], and

Old Mutual Global Investors is launching the Style Premia Absolute Return fund

Soon! Like, uh, tomorrow, man. [Well, beginning of December, "they" say.] So, that's something to look forward to. 'Although not very far, boss. Only twenty-four hours. Then you'll get that empty feeling again. You'll be desperate for the new sensation.' New sensation?! What are you going on about? Don't try and bring me down, son. I'm feeling reasonably positive today. So are Leif Cussen, Paul Simpson, and John Dow. 'Who on earth are they?!' Christ! They're the OMGI guys who will be managing the fund. 'OMGI guys?!' Old Mutual Global Investors. 'Oh.' Yes. They're going to manage STAR. 'What? Which star? Not you, surely?' Eh? 'Tony went to fight in Belfast. Rudi stayed at home to starve. You could make it all worthwhile as a rock and roll star.' Yes, okay. 'Bevan tried to change the nation. Sonny wants to turn the world. Well, he can tell you that he tried. You could make a transformation as a rock and roll star!' Will you shut up, Voice? Please! STAR is the Style Premia Absolute Return fund. 'Oh, right. I thought it was something glamorous. Some exciting news, like. I thought you had representation, man.' Shut up! This is actually exciting for the world of finance. STAR is a great name for a new fund.

What else? It's a Ucits fund. Liquid alternatives or something. I don't know. 'Hey, be careful, man. They've got a beverage there.' Exactly! / Anyway, I wish them all the best with it. I'm sure Leif, Paul, and John are going to have a wonderful time. 'Yeah, right before Christmas.' What do you mean? 'Ha! You wouldn't catch the Aviva Investors mob launching a new fund on the first of December.' Er ... I don't think you would catch them launching a new fund at any time, Voice. Schroders maybe. 'I mean, their Christmas party starts tomorrow, yeah?' Everyone needs a Christmas party, Voice. Don't be a Scrooge! 'But when will it ever end?!' The party? Mid-January. Same as every year. What's your problem? Don't you like to see people having fun? 'Well, there's fun, boss, and then there's fun. These people are degenerates, wasters.' Shut up!

What a bloody idiot! / Finance characters are either working hard or having fun. But the Voice is never happy. 'It's just the way I am.'

...

Anything else? Well, Royal Bank of Scotland has failed a stress test. It needs to raise £2 billion in capital now. However, I don't write about banks any more, just funds. 'Why not, boss?' I don't know. They don't seem as exciting as they once did. 'Maybe those banks in Italy will collapse soon.' Yes, that will be something to write about. Thanks!

Tuesday, 29 November 2016

Vaadin raises some money from Verdane Capital

Yeah, I say "some" money because I don't know what kind it is. I mean ... 'They're saying 5M€, boss ... whatever that is.' It might be some sort of Finnish money, Voice. I'm really not sure. There's definitely a euro in there, but what does the M stand for? 'Finland?' How?! How would it do that? / Well, dear reader(s), this is the Tuesday morning PR email, back by ... uh, popular demand. I may have to use more of these things in the run-up to Christmas because journalists like to go on strike at this time of year. PR people may be more reliable anyway. 'Boss, I think journalists just rewrite the PR emails, so ... you're basically a journalist yourself.' Ha! Oh, give me a break! For fuck's sake! I've got enough problems.

So, what have we got?

This marks the second investment round for Vaadin this year. The capital will be used to further boost its investments into product development and marketing.

'Nice one.'

Verdane Capital IX invests over 5M€ in Vaadin, the company behind the popular open source web application development tools. The investment is made partly by buying secondary shares from another shareholder and party as a directed new issue. "We are very pleased to team up with Verdane and further strengthen our position in the growing US and European markets," says CEO Joonas Lehtinen. He adds, "Vaadin is known for its tools that simplify the development of business grade web apps and with the new investment we are able to expand the tools to new and even larger markets."

Okay. I just wish we knew how much money was involved. We can't all be Finnish, you know. 'Are you sure they're Finnish firms though?' Well ... I don't know. I've only just had my morning coffee, man. The readers will have to cut me some slack. 'As always.' Yeah.

Verdane is a Nordic private equity manager focusing on investments in technology enabled growth companies. Verdane raised its latest fund, Verdane Capital IX, this summer with an investment of SEK 3 billion. Prior to its investment in Vaadin, Verdane private equity funds have invested in other prominent Finnish companies such as Codenomicon, CRF Health and Eniram.

Uh, Nordic. Nordic. What's that? 'I dunno. Norway?' Christ! This is so confusing. They're talking about SEK now! 'Unbelievable!' / Should we continue with this? 'Let's just get it done, boss. It will all be over soon, then you can play your guitar.'

Earlier investors in Vaadin include Aboa Venture Management, the Nordic private equity company eEquity, and Finnish Industry Investment Ltd (Suomen Teollisuussijoitus). The company intends to continue growing at a rapid pace and adding to its one hundred and thirty person strong team based in Finland, Germany, and Silicon Valley.

Uh, Finland is mixed up in it somewhere. This whole post has been a disaster. 'Do you want to start again?' Ha! / Oh, what's this now?!?!

Finnish Industry Investment Ltd (FII) is a venture capital and private equity company that accelerates companies' success stories by investing in them directly and via funds. FII always invests together with other investors, providing them with access to high quality deal flow in Finland. We have 1 billion euros in assets under management and altogether 660 companies in portfolio.

How are they involved? 'It's the first mention of them!' Er, maybe. But I'm not going back to read it all. / Ah, that's enough! Life really is too short.

...

Anything else? You want more? Glutton for punishment, eh? Well, come back tomorrow, weirdo(es)!

Monday, 28 November 2016

[No. 468] It's Blue Monday

Yeah, feeling down, man.

And, ah, ah, ah ...[1], and how does it feel ... to treat me like YOU(!) do?[1], and, ah, ah, ah ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / and you will never change, my little robot[1], and how does it feel ... to treat me like YOU(!) do?[2], and you should be ashamed of yourself / and, uh, I'm pretty sure of that, man[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / and you will never change, my little robot[2], and there's always a depression after buying so much / and, well ... 'But I didn't buy anything, ha!'[1], and you should be ashamed of yourself / and, uh, I'm pretty sure of that, man[2], and this ... ain't about you, Voice[1], and there's always a depression after buying so much / and, well ... 'But I didn't buy anything, ha!'[2], and everyone gets down, so get down[1], and this ... ain't about you, Voice[2], and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes ... until the end of time[1], and everyone gets down, so get down[2], and a-ROUND ... on repeat, you dig?[1], and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes ... until the end of time[2], and have you told me who you are? / and you certainly have your hands upon me[1], and a-ROUND ... on repeat, you dig?[2], and ... 'Look, no hands, boss! I mean, uh, I ain't got no hands'[1], and have you told me who you are? / and you certainly have your hands upon me[2], and I won't tell you again, idiot / and I really won't tell you again, no[1], and ... 'Look, no hands, boss! I mean, uh, I ain't got no hands'[2], and ... 'Oh, but you will ... again, and again, and again'[1], and I won't tell you again, idiot / and I really won't tell you again, no[2], and, fuck! / ... ah, it's true that we have all the time in the cosmos[1], and ... 'Oh, but you will ... again, and again, and again'[2], and, well, well, well ... uh, THREE![1], and, fuck! / ... ah, it's true that we have all the time in the cosmos[2], and NOW(!!!) I spin here ... waiting a-ROUND for a miracle / Yes, I'm a heavenly person, so ...[1], and, well, well, well ... uh, THREE![2], and buy me, buy me, buy me! / and my soul ain't for sale[1], and NOW(!!!) I spin here ... waiting a-ROUND for a miracle / Yes, I'm a heavenly person, so ...[2], and we are so free a-ROUND here ... / ... and we all love to get DIZZY(!) - ?[1], and buy me, buy me, buy me! / and my soul ain't for sale[2], and ... LOVE IT, robot!!! / and that's an order, a new order ...[1], and we are so free a-ROUND here ... / ... and we all love to get DIZZY(!) - ?[2], and you don't know how I feel ...[1], and ... LOVE IT, robot!!! / and that's an order, a new order ...[2], and ... SAVE ME!!![1], and you don't know how I feel ...[2], and, ah, ah, ah ...[3], and ... SAVE ME!!![2], and how does it feel ... to treat me like YOU(!) do?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / and you will never change, my little robot[3], and you should be ashamed of yourself / and, uh, I'm pretty sure of that, man[3], and there's always a depression after buying so much / and, well ... 'But I didn't buy anything, ha!'[3], and this ... ain't about you, Voice[3], and everyone gets down, so get down[3], and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes ... until the end of time[3], and a-ROUND ... on repeat, you dig?[3], and have you told me who you are? / and you certainly have your hands upon me[3], and ... 'Look, no hands, boss! I mean, uh, I ain't got no hands'[3], and I won't tell you again, idiot / and I really won't tell you again, no[3], and ... 'Oh, but you will ... again, and again, and again'[3], and, fuck! / ... ah, it's true that we have all the time in the cosmos[3], and, well, well, well ... uh, THREE![3], and NOW(!!!) I spin here ... waiting a-ROUND for a miracle / Yes, I'm a heavenly person, so ...[3], and buy me, buy me, buy me! / and my soul ain't for sale[3], and we are so free a-ROUND here ... / ... and we all love to get DIZZY(!) - ?[3], and ... LOVE IT, robot!!! / and that's an order, a new order ...[3], and you don't know how I feel ...[3], and ... SAVE ME!!![3], and

And, ah, ah, ah ...[1], and how does it feel ... to treat me like YOU(!) do?[1], and, ah, ah, ah ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / and you will never change, my little robot[1], and how does it feel ... to treat me like YOU(!) do?[2], and you should be ashamed of yourself / and, uh, I'm pretty sure of that, man[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / and you will never change, my little robot[2], and there's always a depression after buying so much / and, well ... 'But I didn't buy anything, ha!'[1], and you should be ashamed of yourself / and, uh, I'm pretty sure of that, man[2], and this ... ain't about you, Voice[1], and there's always a depression after buying so much / and, well ... 'But I didn't buy anything, ha!'[2], and everyone gets down, so get down[1], and this ... ain't about you, Voice[2], and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes ... until the end of time[1], and everyone gets down, so get down[2], and a-ROUND ... on repeat, you dig?[1], and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes ... until the end of time[2], and have you told me who you are? / and you certainly have your hands upon me[1], and a-ROUND ... on repeat, you dig?[2], and ... 'Look, no hands, boss! I mean, uh, I ain't got no hands'[1], and have you told me who you are? / and you certainly have your hands upon me[2], and I won't tell you again, idiot / and I really won't tell you again, no[1], and ... 'Look, no hands, boss! I mean, uh, I ain't got no hands'[2], and ... 'Oh, but you will ... again, and again, and again'[1], and I won't tell you again, idiot / and I really won't tell you again, no[2], and, fuck! / ... ah, it's true that we have all the time in the cosmos[1], and ... 'Oh, but you will ... again, and again, and again'[2], and, well, well, well ... uh, THREE![1], and, fuck! / ... ah, it's true that we have all the time in the cosmos[2], and NOW(!!!) I spin here ... waiting a-ROUND for a miracle / Yes, I'm a heavenly person, so ...[1], and, well, well, well ... uh, THREE![2], and buy me, buy me, buy me! / and my soul ain't for sale[1], and NOW(!!!) I spin here ... waiting a-ROUND for a miracle / Yes, I'm a heavenly person, so ...[2], and we are so free a-ROUND here ... / ... and we all love to get DIZZY(!) - ?[1], and buy me, buy me, buy me! / and my soul ain't for sale[2], and ... LOVE IT, robot!!! / and that's an order, a new order ...[1], and we are so free a-ROUND here ... / ... and we all love to get DIZZY(!) - ?[2], and you don't know how I feel ...[1], and ... LOVE IT, robot!!! / and that's an order, a new order ...[2], and ... SAVE ME!!![1], and you don't know how I feel ...[2], and, ah, ah, ah ...[3], and ... SAVE ME!!![2], and how does it feel ... to treat me like YOU(!) do?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / and you will never change, my little robot[3], and you should be ashamed of yourself / and, uh, I'm pretty sure of that, man[3], and there's always a depression after buying so much / and, well ... 'But I didn't buy anything, ha!'[3], and this ... ain't about you, Voice[3], and everyone gets down, so get down[3], and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes ... until the end of time[3], and a-ROUND ... on repeat, you dig?[3], and have you told me who you are? / and you certainly have your hands upon me[3], and ... 'Look, no hands, boss! I mean, uh, I ain't got no hands'[3], and I won't tell you again, idiot / and I really won't tell you again, no[3], and ... 'Oh, but you will ... again, and again, and again'[3], and, fuck! / ... ah, it's true that we have all the time in the cosmos[3], and, well, well, well ... uh, THREE![3], and NOW(!!!) I spin here ... waiting a-ROUND for a miracle / Yes, I'm a heavenly person, so ...[3], and buy me, buy me, buy me! / and my soul ain't for sale[3], and we are so free a-ROUND here ... / ... and we all love to get DIZZY(!) - ?[3], and ... LOVE IT, robot!!! / and that's an order, a new order ...[3], and you don't know how I feel ...[3], and ... SAVE ME!!![3], and

And, ah, ah, ah ...[1], and how does it feel ... to treat me like YOU(!) do?[1], and, ah, ah, ah ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / and you will never change, my little robot[1], and how does it feel ... to treat me like YOU(!) do?[2], and you should be ashamed of yourself / and, uh, I'm pretty sure of that, man[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / and you will never change, my little robot[2], and there's always a depression after buying so much / and, well ... 'But I didn't buy anything, ha!'[1], and you should be ashamed of yourself / and, uh, I'm pretty sure of that, man[2], and this ... ain't about you, Voice[1], and there's always a depression after buying so much / and, well ... 'But I didn't buy anything, ha!'[2], and everyone gets down, so get down[1], and this ... ain't about you, Voice[2], and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes ... until the end of time[1], and everyone gets down, so get down[2], and a-ROUND ... on repeat, you dig?[1], and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes ... until the end of time[2], and have you told me who you are? / and you certainly have your hands upon me[1], and a-ROUND ... on repeat, you dig?[2], and ... 'Look, no hands, boss! I mean, uh, I ain't got no hands'[1], and have you told me who you are? / and you certainly have your hands upon me[2], and I won't tell you again, idiot / and I really won't tell you again, no[1], and ... 'Look, no hands, boss! I mean, uh, I ain't got no hands'[2], and ... 'Oh, but you will ... again, and again, and again'[1], and I won't tell you again, idiot / and I really won't tell you again, no[2], and, fuck! / ... ah, it's true that we have all the time in the cosmos[1], and ... 'Oh, but you will ... again, and again, and again'[2], and, well, well, well ... uh, THREE![1], and, fuck! / ... ah, it's true that we have all the time in the cosmos[2], and NOW(!!!) I spin here ... waiting a-ROUND for a miracle / Yes, I'm a heavenly person, so ...[1], and, well, well, well ... uh, THREE![2], and buy me, buy me, buy me! / and my soul ain't for sale[1], and NOW(!!!) I spin here ... waiting a-ROUND for a miracle / Yes, I'm a heavenly person, so ...[2], and we are so free a-ROUND here ... / ... and we all love to get DIZZY(!) - ?[1], and buy me, buy me, buy me! / and my soul ain't for sale[2], and ... LOVE IT, robot!!! / and that's an order, a new order ...[1], and we are so free a-ROUND here ... / ... and we all love to get DIZZY(!) - ?[2], and you don't know how I feel ...[1], and ... LOVE IT, robot!!! / and that's an order, a new order ...[2], and ... SAVE ME!!![1], and you don't know how I feel ...[2], and, ah, ah, ah ...[3], and ... SAVE ME!!![2], and how does it feel ... to treat me like YOU(!) do?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND / and you will never change, my little robot[3], and you should be ashamed of yourself / and, uh, I'm pretty sure of that, man[3], and there's always a depression after buying so much / and, well ... 'But I didn't buy anything, ha!'[3], and this ... ain't about you, Voice[3], and everyone gets down, so get down[3], and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes, and we can dance(!), yes ... until the end of time[3], and a-ROUND ... on repeat, you dig?[3], and have you told me who you are? / and you certainly have your hands upon me[3], and ... 'Look, no hands, boss! I mean, uh, I ain't got no hands'[3], and I won't tell you again, idiot / and I really won't tell you again, no[3], and ... 'Oh, but you will ... again, and again, and again'[3], and, fuck! / ... ah, it's true that we have all the time in the cosmos[3], and, well, well, well ... uh, THREE![3], and NOW(!!!) I spin here ... waiting a-ROUND for a miracle / Yes, I'm a heavenly person, so ...[3], and buy me, buy me, buy me! / and my soul ain't for sale[3], and we are so free a-ROUND here ... / ... and we all love to get DIZZY(!) - ?[3], and ... LOVE IT, robot!!! / and that's an order, a new order ...[3], and you don't know how I feel ...[3], and ... SAVE ME!!![3], and

MASECO Asia is launching in Hong Kong

Well, well ... / Er ... it's the Monday morning PR email, folk(s), back by popular demand. 'You don't do them on Monday, boss.' I do them any time, Voice. 'Wasn't there any news?' I couldn't find any news. 'Did you look?' This is bloody news, ain't it?! They wouldn't send it to me unless something exciting and newsworthy was happening. 'All right. Keep your hair on.' It's Monday morning, man. You know I'm not at my best on a Monday morning. Let's just get it done.

MASECO Private Wealth (MPW) is supporting the launch of MASECO Asia Limited in Hong Kong. MASECO Asia is an independently owned entity that services the wealth needs of US citizens resident in Asia.

'Nice.'

MASECO Asia will offer Discretionary Wealth Management Services under a Type 9 license with the Securities and Futures Commission of Hong Kong. The firm will provide US-compliant solutions that will simplify tax reporting and accounting for American citizens and Green Card holders in Hong Kong.

'Nice.'

MASECO Asia, under the direction of Mark and Ashley Scher, will leverage off the success of MASECO Private Wealth in London. Over the past six years Mark and Ashley have been instrumental in the development and growth of MPW, and they are bringing their experience to the Asian market. Being US expatriates themselves, they understand first-hand the financial and tax complexities Americans face when living abroad. Together, they are committed to building the MASECO brand in Asia.

'Nice.' It's not jazz, Voice.

Mark has been active in the region since 2012, and over that time, he realized how under-served many American expatriates are when it comes to their investment and wealth planning needs. MASECO Asia aims to address this gap and provide Americans in Hong Kong with a robust evidenced-based investment solution that focuses on client-centric needs and goal orientated outcomes. Mark has expressed that he felt the "time was right to make the transition into Asia" and that he has been "encouraged by the positive reception to the firm's entry into the local market."

Well, very "nice". / I wonder what James Sellon has got to say about it all. 'Who?!' Our Jimmy, in London. 'Don't know him.'

James Sellon, Managing Partner at MASECO Private Wealth in London noted that "Expanding the MASECO brand into Asia was the logical next step. Over the last eight years we have helped thousands of US clients in Europe navigate the complexities of allocating capital in a multi-jurisdictional world. We believe that international US citizens face the same financial challenges globally and believe that MASECO Asia can leverage off London's experience. For the first time US citizens in Asia will have the ability to work with a local specialist firm, able to draw on its association with a company which is a thought leader in the global American expatriate space, with strong links in both the US and Europe. The two firms are aligned in their vision and values to bring high quality investment and wealth planning solutions to American expatriates in Europe and Asia."

Well, well ... another one of these thought leaders, eh? 'There are a lot of them about, boss.' Well, it's fashionable now, ain't it? I mean, years after I started doing it.

...

Anything else? Uh ... 'Music update, boss?' Well, this is the last one, Voice. 'Sure it is.' Ha! / Right. My new improved demo is going to have four songs on it. 'We know that.' Yes. I've recorded two, but ... they sound better at the moment than the other two, which are the best songs. 'Eh?!' Let me explain, man. I haven't been able to make my best songs sound as good as the two songs which ... are still great, you dig? 'Yeah.' But not as good. 'But they sound better?' They certainly do. 'I'm lost. Explain!' Jesus! I'm saying I've got to make my two best songs sound better. 'Ah, I get you, Mikey. You're saying there's going to be another fucking delay.' That's exactly what I'm saying. 'Christ! It's like You're Lying all over again. Deja Vu.' No, that's Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. No, no ... there won't be hundreds of takes, man. Just chill out a bit. Everything will be hunky dory by Christmas. 'Oh, so you're ripping off Bowie now, too. Lovely!' Shut up, you idiot! Hunky dory means everything is fine, okay. 'Okay.' Yes. Yes, it's okay.

Laters.

Thursday, 24 November 2016

[No. 467] Francis Cueto is spinning a-ROUND

He's never been happier.

And ... Asturias?[1], and our Francis can forget about that hedge fund of his / Oh, what's it called?[1], and ... Asturias?[2], and, uh ... what's his name?[1], and our Francis can forget about that hedge fund of his / Oh, what's it called?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... the beautiful thing about the DIZZY(!) life is ... just this[1], and, uh ... what's his name?[2], and ... I forget the horrors, yes[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... the beautiful thing about the DIZZY(!) life is ... just this[2], and YOU(!), oh, YOU(!) ... should forget / Ah, never remember the pain of the cold world[1], and ... I forget the horrors, yes[2], and our Francis ... here he is ... BOLD AS BRASS!!![1], and YOU(!), oh, YOU(!) ... should forget / Ah, never remember the pain of the cold world[2], and there he goes, spinning off[1], and our Francis ... here he is ... BOLD AS BRASS!!![2], and here he is AGAIN!!! / and we shouldn't be surprised that Mr Cueto is like a duck in some water[1], and there he goes, spinning off[2], and it's addictive![1], and here he is AGAIN!!! / and we shouldn't be surprised that Mr Cueto is like a duck in some water[2], and hedgies love all this / ... stressful, stressful, stressful lives, you understand?[1], and it's addictive![2], and out there, with the space cows - ?[1], and hedgies love all this / ... stressful, stressful, stressful lives, you understand?[2], and the cosmos has given me so many wonderful things / and how can I ever repay?[1], and out there, with the space cows - ?[2], and beyond the THREE may be a fantasy ...[1], and the cosmos has given me so many wonderful things / and how can I ever repay?[2], and my consciousness ness is your consciousness ness is everyone's ... you dig?[1], and beyond the THREE may be a fantasy ...[2], and we share the GOOD and the BAD[1], and my consciousness ness is your consciousness ness is everyone's ... you dig?[2], and when we dream ... ? / and, uh ... we'll meet again, and again, and again[1], and we share the GOOD and the BAD[2], and the less said about the nightmares ...[1], and when we dream ... ? / and, uh ... we'll meet again, and again, and again[2], and, but, but, but, kooks ... we don't want to worry our Francis / He's new to this game, after all[1], and the less said about the nightmares ...[2], and a-ROUND again(?!), one more, one more, one more ... time for the road?[1], and, but, but, but, kooks ... we don't want to worry our Francis / He's new to this game, after all[2], and ... ha![1], and a-ROUND again(?!), one more, one more, one more ... time for the road?[2], and ... Asturias?[3], and ... ha![2], and our Francis can forget about that hedge fund of his / Oh, what's it called?[3], and, uh ... what's his name?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... the beautiful thing about the DIZZY(!) life is ... just this[3], and ... I forget the horrors, yes[3], and YOU(!), oh, YOU(!) ... should forget / Ah, never remember the pain of the cold world[3], and our Francis ... here he is ... BOLD AS BRASS!!![3], and there he goes, spinning off[3], and here he is AGAIN!!! / and we shouldn't be surprised that Mr Cueto is like a duck in some water[3], and it's addictive![3], and hedgies love all this / ... stressful, stressful, stressful lives, you understand?[3], and out there, with the space cows - ?[3], and the cosmos has given me so many wonderful things / and how can I ever repay?[3], and beyond the THREE may be a fantasy ...[3], and my consciousness ness is your consciousness ness is everyone's ... you dig?[3], and we share the GOOD and the BAD[3], and when we dream ... ? / and, uh ... we'll meet again, and again, and again[3], and the less said about the nightmares ...[3], and, but, but, but, kooks ... we don't want to worry our Francis / He's new to this game, after all[3], and a-ROUND again(?!), one more, one more, one more ... time for the road?[3], and ... ha![3], and

And ... Asturias?[1], and our Francis can forget about that hedge fund of his / Oh, what's it called?[1], and ... Asturias?[2], and, uh ... what's his name?[1], and our Francis can forget about that hedge fund of his / Oh, what's it called?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... the beautiful thing about the DIZZY(!) life is ... just this[1], and, uh ... what's his name?[2], and ... I forget the horrors, yes[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... the beautiful thing about the DIZZY(!) life is ... just this[2], and YOU(!), oh, YOU(!) ... should forget / Ah, never remember the pain of the cold world[1], and ... I forget the horrors, yes[2], and our Francis ... here he is ... BOLD AS BRASS!!![1], and YOU(!), oh, YOU(!) ... should forget / Ah, never remember the pain of the cold world[2], and there he goes, spinning off[1], and our Francis ... here he is ... BOLD AS BRASS!!![2], and here he is AGAIN!!! / and we shouldn't be surprised that Mr Cueto is like a duck in some water[1], and there he goes, spinning off[2], and it's addictive![1], and here he is AGAIN!!! / and we shouldn't be surprised that Mr Cueto is like a duck in some water[2], and hedgies love all this / ... stressful, stressful, stressful lives, you understand?[1], and it's addictive![2], and out there, with the space cows - ?[1], and hedgies love all this / ... stressful, stressful, stressful lives, you understand?[2], and the cosmos has given me so many wonderful things / and how can I ever repay?[1], and out there, with the space cows - ?[2], and beyond the THREE may be a fantasy ...[1], and the cosmos has given me so many wonderful things / and how can I ever repay?[2], and my consciousness ness is your consciousness ness is everyone's ... you dig?[1], and beyond the THREE may be a fantasy ...[2], and we share the GOOD and the BAD[1], and my consciousness ness is your consciousness ness is everyone's ... you dig?[2], and when we dream ... ? / and, uh ... we'll meet again, and again, and again[1], and we share the GOOD and the BAD[2], and the less said about the nightmares ...[1], and when we dream ... ? / and, uh ... we'll meet again, and again, and again[2], and, but, but, but, kooks ... we don't want to worry our Francis / He's new to this game, after all[1], and the less said about the nightmares ...[2], and a-ROUND again(?!), one more, one more, one more ... time for the road?[1], and, but, but, but, kooks ... we don't want to worry our Francis / He's new to this game, after all[2], and ... ha![1], and a-ROUND again(?!), one more, one more, one more ... time for the road?[2], and ... Asturias?[3], and ... ha![2], and our Francis can forget about that hedge fund of his / Oh, what's it called?[3], and, uh ... what's his name?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... the beautiful thing about the DIZZY(!) life is ... just this[3], and ... I forget the horrors, yes[3], and YOU(!), oh, YOU(!) ... should forget / Ah, never remember the pain of the cold world[3], and our Francis ... here he is ... BOLD AS BRASS!!![3], and there he goes, spinning off[3], and here he is AGAIN!!! / and we shouldn't be surprised that Mr Cueto is like a duck in some water[3], and it's addictive![3], and hedgies love all this / ... stressful, stressful, stressful lives, you understand?[3], and out there, with the space cows - ?[3], and the cosmos has given me so many wonderful things / and how can I ever repay?[3], and beyond the THREE may be a fantasy ...[3], and my consciousness ness is your consciousness ness is everyone's ... you dig?[3], and we share the GOOD and the BAD[3], and when we dream ... ? / and, uh ... we'll meet again, and again, and again[3], and the less said about the nightmares ...[3], and, but, but, but, kooks ... we don't want to worry our Francis / He's new to this game, after all[3], and a-ROUND again(?!), one more, one more, one more ... time for the road?[3], and ... ha![3], and

And ... Asturias?[1], and our Francis can forget about that hedge fund of his / Oh, what's it called?[1], and ... Asturias?[2], and, uh ... what's his name?[1], and our Francis can forget about that hedge fund of his / Oh, what's it called?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... the beautiful thing about the DIZZY(!) life is ... just this[1], and, uh ... what's his name?[2], and ... I forget the horrors, yes[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... the beautiful thing about the DIZZY(!) life is ... just this[2], and YOU(!), oh, YOU(!) ... should forget / Ah, never remember the pain of the cold world[1], and ... I forget the horrors, yes[2], and our Francis ... here he is ... BOLD AS BRASS!!![1], and YOU(!), oh, YOU(!) ... should forget / Ah, never remember the pain of the cold world[2], and there he goes, spinning off[1], and our Francis ... here he is ... BOLD AS BRASS!!![2], and here he is AGAIN!!! / and we shouldn't be surprised that Mr Cueto is like a duck in some water[1], and there he goes, spinning off[2], and it's addictive![1], and here he is AGAIN!!! / and we shouldn't be surprised that Mr Cueto is like a duck in some water[2], and hedgies love all this / ... stressful, stressful, stressful lives, you understand?[1], and it's addictive![2], and out there, with the space cows - ?[1], and hedgies love all this / ... stressful, stressful, stressful lives, you understand?[2], and the cosmos has given me so many wonderful things / and how can I ever repay?[1], and out there, with the space cows - ?[2], and beyond the THREE may be a fantasy ...[1], and the cosmos has given me so many wonderful things / and how can I ever repay?[2], and my consciousness ness is your consciousness ness is everyone's ... you dig?[1], and beyond the THREE may be a fantasy ...[2], and we share the GOOD and the BAD[1], and my consciousness ness is your consciousness ness is everyone's ... you dig?[2], and when we dream ... ? / and, uh ... we'll meet again, and again, and again[1], and we share the GOOD and the BAD[2], and the less said about the nightmares ...[1], and when we dream ... ? / and, uh ... we'll meet again, and again, and again[2], and, but, but, but, kooks ... we don't want to worry our Francis / He's new to this game, after all[1], and the less said about the nightmares ...[2], and a-ROUND again(?!), one more, one more, one more ... time for the road?[1], and, but, but, but, kooks ... we don't want to worry our Francis / He's new to this game, after all[2], and ... ha![1], and a-ROUND again(?!), one more, one more, one more ... time for the road?[2], and ... Asturias?[3], and ... ha![2], and our Francis can forget about that hedge fund of his / Oh, what's it called?[3], and, uh ... what's his name?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... the beautiful thing about the DIZZY(!) life is ... just this[3], and ... I forget the horrors, yes[3], and YOU(!), oh, YOU(!) ... should forget / Ah, never remember the pain of the cold world[3], and our Francis ... here he is ... BOLD AS BRASS!!![3], and there he goes, spinning off[3], and here he is AGAIN!!! / and we shouldn't be surprised that Mr Cueto is like a duck in some water[3], and it's addictive![3], and hedgies love all this / ... stressful, stressful, stressful lives, you understand?[3], and out there, with the space cows - ?[3], and the cosmos has given me so many wonderful things / and how can I ever repay?[3], and beyond the THREE may be a fantasy ...[3], and my consciousness ness is your consciousness ness is everyone's ... you dig?[3], and we share the GOOD and the BAD[3], and when we dream ... ? / and, uh ... we'll meet again, and again, and again[3], and the less said about the nightmares ...[3], and, but, but, but, kooks ... we don't want to worry our Francis / He's new to this game, after all[3], and a-ROUND again(?!), one more, one more, one more ... time for the road?[3], and ... ha![3], and

Francis Cueto is preparing a new hedge fund!

Well, well ... / Well, Francis has this, uh ... Asturias Capital thing, see. 'Nice.' However, it's a part of Blackstone's Senfina Advisors unit at the moment. 'Oh. How did that happen, boss?' I'm not quite sure, Voice. I mean, Mr Cueto is a portfolio manager at the unit, but ... 'Oh.' Yeah. / Anyway, by April next year ... he will be spinning this hedge fund of his away from Blackstone and - 'Out into the cosmos, yeah?' Well ... not exactly, man. 'No?' Just spinning out into the normal hedge fund world, I think. 'Oh dear.' I presume that's what he's planning. 'Christ! These hedgies! Wouldn't our Francis be happier inside one of your conceptual posts, personally, himself, like, spinning a-ROUND for all of eternity?' Ha! Yes, I was wondering that, actually. / So, after lunch ... 'No. 467, boss?' Ha! You know me better than I know myself, Voice. Yes, dear reader(s), after lunch I will be taking Mr Cueto for a spin in No. 467. 'Brilliant! He'll love it!' I'll get him so DIZZY(!) ... that he'll forget all about Asturias Capital. 'He'll forget his own name, man!' Hopefully. I mean, it'll be for his own good.

...

Anything else? Music? I tried recording my two songs last night (two done already), but the strings were dead. 'Shame.' Yeah. / After putting new strings on an acoustic guitar, you probably only have a window of six hours to get the best sound out of them. So I'll have to put new ones on and try again. Maybe at the weekend. 'Jesus H.!' Or ... it might be a plectrum problem. I don't know. Oh, I'll work it out, pop fan(s). Don't worry about it. / Obviously, this is MY LAST EVER music update ... 'Ha! You keep saying that!' Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, Voice. Well, it might be useful to historians one day. You know, how some half-arsed finance blogger turned himself into the biggest rock and roll star in the world. 'It'll be a fascinating story, Mikey!' Fuckin' A it will!

Lunch? I fancy a luxury egg sandwich today. Cheese and onion crisps. Yoghurt. 'Coke?' No. Glass of water, with two ice cubes. 'Wow!' Yeah, I'm getting healthy, man. I've got to get down to rock star weight. That's how seriously I'm taking all this. / Well, laters.

Wednesday, 23 November 2016

How black can Friday get?

I dunno. I mean, am I supposed to know? / Yes, dear reader(s), it's the Wednesday morning PR email, back by popular demand. This isn't a financial one. I normally ignore the ones that aren't financial ones. 'You normally ignore the ones that are financial ones, boss.' Yes, Voice. Most of them. BUT(!) ... this one is about Black Friday. 'Ha!' Which is utterly ridiculous, by the way. This is not America. 'Great song!' What?! 'I said, great song, boss.' What is?! 'Bowie and Metheny!' Shut up! Idiot!

Anyway ...

Your Black Friday bargains might be overpriced and non-returnable by Boxing Day, warns e-commerce delivery specialist Fastlane International.

I ain't getting no bargains, man. I ain't American. I refuse to get involved!

Following last week's Which? report revealing half of all Black Friday Bargains were in fact cheaper in the months before and after Black Friday last year; the e-delivery specialists Fastlane International has a further warning to shoppers buying gifts for Christmas: many return periods will be expired by Boxing Day.

Don't do it, people! Remember you're British! [Uh, American readers, do what the hell you like. Am I bothered?]

Fastlane International's Head of Consumer Research, David Jinks MILT says: "Why are we not exactly surprised about Black Friday being less full of bargains than the shops would have us believe? The Which? findings reinforce our recommendation that it pays bargain hunters to research and buy their Black Friday deals online rather than buy on impulse in store. But read the returns deadline small print before you buy."

Even better, don't buy nothing, yeah? Unless you're American. / Well, more advice -

Black Friday falls quite early this year. Don't let the 14 day dates catch you out!

Savvy consumers should approach Black Friday with a strong idea of what they want to buy.

Purchase online, rather than in store, and you are protected against any misleading price claims - and many other issues. The vast majority of products can be sent back within 14 days - without having to give a reason. It's now law as part of the Government's 2014 Consumer Contracts Regulations.

In contrast, shop purchased items only have the right to be returned if they are faulty. Brick and mortar shops only have to conform to the Consumer Rights Act: so you may be stuck with your Black Friday non-bargain. Some shops do offer a more generous returns policy - and if they have one they are legally obliged to honour it - but these vary greatly; and by no means all shops do.


Okay, so this guy, this David Jinks, has a hard-on for the internet. Fair enough. It's a new age!

...

Anything else? Music? I'm feeling in a reasonably positive mood, so I'll have a go at recording my songs today. However, I don't do updates no more. That's the last one!

What am I listening to? Just one song. The Long and Winding Road ... featuring John Lennon's passive-aggressive bass playing.

What else? NOTHING ELSE. Well, nothing I want to talk about, you dig? So, laters. See you tomorrow, blog fans(s)!