Tuesday 3 July 2007

The money vampires

It gets worse. The money ghosts were bad enough, but now it seems the City of London has also become infested with money vampires - hellish creatures that just suck the money out of people's pockets. When will the horror end?

Dexter Boomer, who works at ABN Amro, was standing at the bar in a City pub having a quiet drink when he suddenly felt a strange sensation on his leg. He said, 'I looked down and was flabbergasted to see this bloody vampire. My trousers were torn to shreds and this awful thing had my wallet in its mouth. Before I could do anything, it just flew out of an open window. I lost over £200 in cash. I cancelled my credit cards, of course. You really don't expect this sort of thing in a modern financial centre. What the hell is going on?'

Fortunately, there is a solution to this one. Money vampires are very easy to deal with. If you find yourself being attacked like Mr Boomer, all you've got to do is stab the vampire through the heart with a top of the range fountain pen. Don't ask me why. Alternatively, you can throw coins at it. Unlike money ghosts, money vampires absolutely despise loose change.