Wednesday 17 October 2007

Kitty Ussher: it's all good

City Minister Kitty Ussher has rejected the crazy notion that the troubles with Northern Rock have damaged the City's reputation as the world's leading financial centre.

She's right. I have been speaking with top financial shamans and money mystics in the City, and they have all told me that the omens are good. Michael Oliver from Mystical Cash Gurus said, 'I have been studying the clouds above Threadneedle Street. Fortunately, there is no blood in the clouds. As we all know, bloody clouds are bad news. But there's no blood.'

I have also been speaking to award-winning financial psychic Keith Busby. I phoned him yesterday and he told me, 'I'm eating my lunch at the moment. Can you call back later?' I didn't actually phone him back because I felt he was deliberately being awkward. There was no reason why he couldn't interrupt his lunch for a minute or so and say a few words. Don't get me wrong, I like the man, but he really pisses me off sometimes. Yes, he has emotional problems and all that business with the breakdown, but still - do you know what I mean? There are ways to behave, and ways not to behave.