Monday 8 March 2010

Sanjay Joshi has returned to London & Capital!

Oh, this is wonderful news! Sanjay Joshi has returned to his spiritual home, London & Capital. And as a senior portfolio manager! I'm so happy for him. For the last four years he has been managing a hedge fund for those F&C Asset Management nutjobs. But now he's back where he belongs!

I have been speaking to Sanjay, and this is what he spake unto me: 'Mikey, man, I'm back where I belong, in the collective bosom of the maddest mystic muthas this side of the astral desert. (Yeah? I know London & Capital has a bit of a reputation, but surely they're not that wild, Sanjay, man?) You wouldn't believe me if I told you. (Lay it on me, baby.) Okay, see if you can dig this. Do you know all the boys on the investment team? (Some. I met Craig Shute once, in the desert.) Mikey, he's an animal in the desert. An animal! (Is he? I mean, this was a few years ago.) Oh, he's changed a lot since then. They all have. Ashok Shah, Pau Morilla-Giner, Andreas Fischer, Neil Michael, Stephen Collins - lunatics for the burning, everyone one of them. (You sure about this, Sanjay?) Mike, trust me, these guys are out of control. One hit of peyote and they're floating off into a world of dreams. I'm talking every day. They love the astral plane. They can't leave it alone. They make Bobby D look like a cold earth wanderer. You know the Shadowlands, yeah? (Yeah.) Well, this is what I meant to tell you. Saturday night we burnt the place to fuck! Seriously! (The Shadowlands?!) Yes. (Sanjay, man, you're not supposed to be going to the Shadowlands. There's no burning there.) Saturday night there was. We burnt the place to fuck. (You stupid bastard!) What? (Sanjay, the Shadowlands are just one step away from hell, from the lower levels. You burn that joint and you're only gonna let Jack Pickles and his evil crew through to the higher levels. What the fuck did you think you were doing?) I didn't see no Jack Pickles! (Well, you wouldn't see him, would you? Who do you think you are - Big Herb? One of the dead financiers? You're a portfolio manager, Sanjay! That's all. Don't get ideas above your station.) I'm sorry, Mike. (I've got to sort this shit out now. I've got to go to the Shadowlands. See what fucking mess you've made.) I'm sorry, Mike. Listen, if Jack had gotten through, you would have found out about it by now. Come on, man. (I suppose so. I'm still pissed at you though.) Sorry, Mike. (All right. Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have lost my temper. How were you to know about the Shadowlands?) Thanks for being so understanding, Mike.'

Well, that's my day ruined. I might post again later on this afternoon or tonight, if I get back in time. What a fucking life! Who'd be a financial shaman, eh?