Tuesday 28 February 2012

Who is Gerard Satur?

Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse I'm faced with the reality of a "man" like Gerard Satur. This time it's UBS that wants me to believe something outlandish. I'm being asked to believe that Mr Satur is the bank's chief investment officer for macro strategic trading in Australia. Normally, just that would be enough to send my blood pressure through the roof, but there's more. I'm also being asked to believe that Mr Satur is spinning away from UBS to form his own hedge fund, MST Capital. Yes, one more new hedge fund will be founded on this miserable, cold earth by a "man" who may actually be a monster dreamt up in another realm, for all I know. And people wonder why I like to drink a bottle of whisky a day.

Apparently, Jeremy Hooper and Matthew Mulcahy are mixed up in it, this MST nonsense. My only consolation is that they appear to be quite human. (Well, as human as you can hope any hedgie will be.) Maybe they'll be able to keep Mr Satur on a tight leash. I suppose it's possible they could have a civilizing influence on him. (But I won't hold my breath.) The rumour is, this Satur thing wants to raise half a billion Australian dollars. Half a billion?! God knows why Satur thinks he/it needs half a billion.

Satur. / Christ. What a nightmare! In the old days I would have blamed Jack Pickles for the existence of such a creature. Now whom can I blame? And let's not forget that I was Jack Pickles. (And I was not an other, unfortunately.) So, this is all the fault of "Michael Fowke". I'm responsible for the emergence of "men" like Gerard Satur and Ariel Bezalel. Indirectly, anyway. Oh God. And people wonder why I like to spend so much of my time sniffing glue.