Thursday, 21 March 2013

Nick Ring is the new head of distribution at Threadneedle

Oh dear. There seems to be some confusion. I've just been looking at Campbell Fleming's LinkedIn profile. Apparently, Campbell is the head of distribution at Threadneedle! 'This could turn nasty, Mikey. I hope they don't come to blows.' Well, they will, Voice, if Nick has stolen Campbell's job.

Who is this Nick Ring anyway? What right does he have to go around telling people he's the head of distribution? 'Who has he told, man?' Well, he told me last night, in a dream. Why do you think I'm writing this? 'I don't know.' The first thing I did when I woke up was to go on the internet because I knew damn well that Campbell Fleming was the head of distribution. I mean, it says so on his LinkedIn profile. 'Oh, okay. What else does it say?' It says he likes freeze-dried food. 'What?! That's crazy!' Don't shoot the messenger, Voice.

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Dear reader, did you enjoy my tiger on Vaseline thing, No. 105? Oh good. I'm glad. / The cracked actor is Hugh Grant. I have no idea why my angel is being friendly with someone like that. I hope she's not one of these weak journalists who think it's a good idea to do away with hundreds of years of press freedom. We need to know what is going on in this absurd world of ours. Well, I do, speaking just for myself. If someone is dressing up as a **** and getting whipped by ***********, I want to know about it. 'You're sick in the head you are!' Shut up, Voice. 'Who's been dressing up as a ****?!' That other one. The one who wants to cut the wires of the internet. '***** are interfering with our internet?! This is an outrage!' All right, calm down. I'm sure everything will be okay. We're not living in North Korea, you know. 'They're communists.' Whatever. It's all the same to me.