Tuesday 27 August 2013

Rhys Summerton fancies himself as a hedge fund manager with this new Milkwood Capital thing of his

I've never heard of Rhys Summerton, but he used to be a big noise at Citigroup, emerging-markets stock-research chief or something. 'The cocklers are sleeping as quiet as death, side by wrinkled side, toothless, salt, and brown, like two old kippers in a box, Mikey.' What, Voice?! 'Never mind.' / Anyway, Milkwood Capital will launch next month. It has $50 million in assets, $20 million of Rhys' own money. I have no idea why I'm giving you the figures in American dollars when this fund is based in England, but - 'The boys are dreaming wicked or of the bucking ranches of the night and the jolly, rodgered sea.' What the fuck are you going on about, man?! 'Nothing.' Christ! / Reader(s), you'll be glad to hear that Milkwood Capital will employ a global long/short equity strategy. 'Each cobble, donkey, goose and gooseberry street is a thoroughfare of dusk.' Right, I've had enough of this! Voice, if you're not going to take it seriously ...

He's gone. God knows what's wrong with him today. / Well, that's enough news, ain't it, dear reader(s)? It's still summer, man. A bit cloudy though. / Next door have got some gardener in to dig up their weeds. He's hardly doing any work, he's talking to himself, he's taking a peculiar interest in my garden, and he looks like Fred West. I'm pissed off, to put it mildly.

I want to get away from here. I really do. I feel like Tom Hanks in The 'Burbs. / In Malibu, I'm sure there'll be a police chief to keep out all the bad elements. "Stay out of West London, deadbeat! Keep your ugly fucking goldbricking ass out of my garden community!" / What do I pay my taxes for?