Thursday 8 August 2013

TPG Capital needs more time to invest $3 billion

Can you believe this? I can't believe it. 'Boss, TPG are problem solvers, partners, and pioneers.' Yeah, right. That's really great, Voice. 'Founded in 1992, TPG specializes in recognizing value - or the potential for value - where others can't be bothered. Their contrarian philosophy, global reach, and deep investment and operational expertise sets TPG apart from other firms. And see if you can dig this: their complementary asset classes offer a unique investment platform.' Oh, marvellous! I'm so impressed. But they still have $3 billion of investors' money that they haven't been able to invest yet. 'What the hell is going on, Mikey?!' I don't know, man. TPG VII? Do me a favour, son! Let's get TPG VI sorted first.

...

I'll write a conceptual about this matter, after lunch. I'll get TPG a-ROUND and tell them what they can do with the three billion.

I've got a luxury cheese sandwich. And a luxury yoghurt.

...

There's nothing else going on, much, man. / That new Bank of England guy reckons unemployment will go down to 7 per cent. Well, only if this absurd "government" continues to persecute the poor and fiddle the figures.

O God, Lord of the cosmos, take me to Malibu!

...

By the way, this is a good story. It's like Clint Eastwood in Pale Rider.