Monday 2 March 2015

Who is Stephen Mitchell at Jupiter?

Yeah, yeah ... / Ha! It's a bit early in the morning, and early in the day, and, er, early in the week, and, oh God, early in the month, and ... for asking who people are!!! However, I'm in a perverse mood. So why not? You only live millions of times. We'll have to do this again, and again, and again. Over, and over, and over. Er ... a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND. It's bad karma, man!

On his LinkedIn profile, our Stephen says that he's head of global equities and strategy at Jupiter Asset Management. (Do you want to believe him? Do you?! And do you want to put your trust in LinkedIn?! Oh, it's your funeral, dear reader(s))[?!!!]!) There is a bit of confusion though. (A lot!) Our Stephen says he's been at the firm for three months. Others, in the know, say one month. (This is the problem. Who do you trust?) Never mind ... I find it hard to trust.

Well, well ... / The Jupiter Global Managed fund? That's Stephen's fund now. I can only wish him the best of luck. (Lucky man! This is me, by the way, in the brackets.) I'm sure he knows what he's doing. (Am I sure?) The other Stephen, my mate Stephen, yeah, Stephen Pearson, says: "Stephen's appointment as - oh, er, the other Stephen, I'm not talking about myself, that would be nuts, man - yeah, head of the global equity strategy marks an important step for Jupiter in addressing this market. Stephen's experience - not mine, I don't mean mine, Christ, I shouldn't have to explain this shit - well, er, proven investment process combined with ... something. It doesn't matter, son."

No, I don't know who he was speaking to, and maybe still is. Does it matter? ('No, Mikey!' Good morning, Voice. You're late. 'My alarm clock didn't go off.' Right. 'When are you going to start paying me?' Shut it!) I just pick these things out of the air, like magic.

Of course, well ... it goes without saying that Stephen Mitchell ain't no financial shaman. If he were one, I would know all about him, wouldn't I? No, he's just a stranger. And not a good stranger. Not a stranger in a strange land. Oh, he's not alienated. You get me? 'I get you, boss!' Thanks, man.

And that's your Monday news. I don't think it was too painful. We got there in the end.