Monday, 26 June 2017

Jeff Gundlach says the machines won't take over finance

Well, that's good news, ain't it? 'How does he know, boss?' Jeff knows, Voice, because it's just common sense. These robots don't have souls. They'll never have souls. They don't have the spark of genius. They'll never replace financial shamans, like me. There's nothing to worry about, son. 'As long as I'll still have a job.' Yeah. Er ... what job is that? 'Your intern.' Oh, yes. Of course. Ha!

Okay, okay. For those of you who don't know, Jeff Gundlach is the founder and CEO of DoubleLine Capital. He's a billionaire, and he's a truth fan. 'Great band!' What? 'They're a great band, boss.' They're not a band, Voice. (As far as I know.) Our Jeff is a fan of truth. I mean, he likes the truth, you dig? 'Oh.' That's what it says on his Twitter bio anyway. He's an art fan, too. And he's a bills, fan. 'What on earth is a bills fan?!' I haven't the faintest idea, Voice. Maybe, uh ... I suppose Jeff is one of these guys who enjoys paying his bills on time. You know, to keep everything neat and tidy. 'Yeah. Interesting.' Well, it could mean that. How would I know?

Oh, by the way, dear reader(s), the best way to beat the machines is ... ? Come on! 'Er ... with a baseball bat?' No, not quite. Our Jeff says you need to work hard. 'Ha! Because the robots are lazy bastards? Is that his thinking?' Christ! I don't know, man. I'm just reporting what he said recently, to Bloomberg. 'Oh, not them!' I don't actually think he's an expert on artificial intelligence or anything. He's just one of these guys who has been able to get himself into a powerful position in life, and now he wants to tell everyone what he thinks about stuff. 'Oh.' There's no harm in it, much.

...

Anything else? No, no. Uh. It's, uh ... Monday morning. I've got a slight headache. More of a slight eyeache, really, from using my smart phone too much yesterday. 'That's not smart, Mikey. You should cut down.' Yes, thank you, Voice.

So, laters, yeah?

Thursday, 22 June 2017

[No. 523] I can do magic

Tragical? No! I'm magical!

And, yes, seriously[1], and, yes, magic, magic, magic ... / I can do magic, baby![1], and, yes, seriously[2], and my soul is a disco[1], and, yes, magic, magic, magic ... / I can do magic, baby![2], and if your consciousness ness is broken in two, uh, I'll make shit far worse for YOU(!)[1], and my soul is a disco[2], and, ha, I meant better, of course, yes[1], and if your consciousness ness is broken in two, uh, I'll make shit far worse for YOU(!)[2], and sha, sha, sha ... man! / You dig?[1], and, ha, I meant better, of course, yes[2], and call my name in your darkest night, and I'll enter your dreams in no time at all - my personal guarantee[1], and sha, sha, sha ... man! / You dig?[2], and if your life needs changing ...[1], and call my name in your darkest night, and I'll enter your dreams in no time at all - my personal guarantee[2], and do you often feel powerless?[1], and if your life needs changing ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here, honey ... so gone NOW(!), all of us / and does it get any better?[1], and do you often feel powerless?[2], and more are joining every day ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here, honey ... so gone NOW(!), all of us / and does it get any better?[2], and I see you, and you're doing great[1], and more are joining every day ...[2], and, me, me, me ... see how I'm spinning, like a master / oh, and ... feel the need in me[1], and I see you, and you're doing great[2], and if you're from the "real" world ....[1], and, me, me, me ... see how I'm spinning, like a master / oh, and ... feel the need in me[2], and don't beat yourself up if you can't match me / Do you know I'm the world's foremost financial shaman?[1], and if you're from the "real" world ....[2], and be square there, or cool here[1], and don't beat yourself up if you can't match me / Do you know I'm the world's foremost financial shaman?[2], and, uh, soon ... I'll be in the rock and roll game / Jimmy, my mentor, says it's all right[1], and be square there, or cool here[2], and not disco, Christ![1], and, uh, soon ... I'll be in the rock and roll game / Jimmy, my mentor, says it's all right[2], and, hello, he loves you, etc[1], and not disco, Christ![2], and this ... here ... man, it's better than apple pie! / Don't you think? Don't you? Oh![1], and, hello, he loves you, etc[2], and I shouldn't ask ...[1], and this ... here ... man, it's better than apple pie! / Don't you think? Don't you? Oh![2], and, uh, uh, uh, yes, I know, you've got feelings now, nothing more than feelings - well done![1], and I shouldn't ask ...[2], and, so, so, so ... it's coming a-ROUND again[1], and, uh, uh, uh, yes, I know, you've got feelings now, nothing more than feelings - well done![2], and - ha![1], and, so, so, so ... it's coming a-ROUND again[2], and let's get right back to where we started from![1], and - ha![2], and, yes, seriously[3], and let's get right back to where we started from![2], and, yes, magic, magic, magic ... / I can do magic, baby![3], and my soul is a disco[3], and if your consciousness ness is broken in two, uh, I'll make shit far worse for YOU(!)[3], and, ha, I meant better, of course, yes[3], and sha, sha, sha ... man! / You dig?[3], and call my name in your darkest night, and I'll enter your dreams in no time at all - my personal guarantee[3], and if your life needs changing ...[3], and do you often feel powerless?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here, honey ... so gone NOW(!), all of us / and does it get any better?[3], and more are joining every day ...[3], and I see you, and you're doing great[3], and, me, me, me ... see how I'm spinning, like a master / oh, and ... feel the need in me[3], and if you're from the "real" world ....[3], and don't beat yourself up if you can't match me / Do you know I'm the world's foremost financial shaman?[3], and be square there, or cool here[3], and, uh, soon ... I'll be in the rock and roll game / Jimmy, my mentor, says it's all right[3], and not disco, Christ![3], and, hello, he loves you, etc[3], and this ... here ... man, it's better than apple pie! / Don't you think? Don't you? Oh![3], and I shouldn't ask ...[3], and, uh, uh, uh, yes, I know, you've got feelings now, nothing more than feelings - well done![3], and, so, so, so ... it's coming a-ROUND again[3], and - ha![3], and let's get right back to where we started from![3], and

And, yes, seriously[1], and, yes, magic, magic, magic ... / I can do magic, baby![1], and, yes, seriously[2], and my soul is a disco[1], and, yes, magic, magic, magic ... / I can do magic, baby![2], and if your consciousness ness is broken in two, uh, I'll make shit far worse for YOU(!)[1], and my soul is a disco[2], and, ha, I meant better, of course, yes[1], and if your consciousness ness is broken in two, uh, I'll make shit far worse for YOU(!)[2], and sha, sha, sha ... man! / You dig?[1], and, ha, I meant better, of course, yes[2], and call my name in your darkest night, and I'll enter your dreams in no time at all - my personal guarantee[1], and sha, sha, sha ... man! / You dig?[2], and if your life needs changing ...[1], and call my name in your darkest night, and I'll enter your dreams in no time at all - my personal guarantee[2], and do you often feel powerless?[1], and if your life needs changing ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here, honey ... so gone NOW(!), all of us / and does it get any better?[1], and do you often feel powerless?[2], and more are joining every day ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here, honey ... so gone NOW(!), all of us / and does it get any better?[2], and I see you, and you're doing great[1], and more are joining every day ...[2], and, me, me, me ... see how I'm spinning, like a master / oh, and ... feel the need in me[1], and I see you, and you're doing great[2], and if you're from the "real" world ....[1], and, me, me, me ... see how I'm spinning, like a master / oh, and ... feel the need in me[2], and don't beat yourself up if you can't match me / Do you know I'm the world's foremost financial shaman?[1], and if you're from the "real" world ....[2], and be square there, or cool here[1], and don't beat yourself up if you can't match me / Do you know I'm the world's foremost financial shaman?[2], and, uh, soon ... I'll be in the rock and roll game / Jimmy, my mentor, says it's all right[1], and be square there, or cool here[2], and not disco, Christ![1], and, uh, soon ... I'll be in the rock and roll game / Jimmy, my mentor, says it's all right[2], and, hello, he loves you, etc[1], and not disco, Christ![2], and this ... here ... man, it's better than apple pie! / Don't you think? Don't you? Oh![1], and, hello, he loves you, etc[2], and I shouldn't ask ...[1], and this ... here ... man, it's better than apple pie! / Don't you think? Don't you? Oh![2], and, uh, uh, uh, yes, I know, you've got feelings now, nothing more than feelings - well done![1], and I shouldn't ask ...[2], and, so, so, so ... it's coming a-ROUND again[1], and, uh, uh, uh, yes, I know, you've got feelings now, nothing more than feelings - well done![2], and - ha![1], and, so, so, so ... it's coming a-ROUND again[2], and let's get right back to where we started from![1], and - ha![2], and, yes, seriously[3], and let's get right back to where we started from![2], and, yes, magic, magic, magic ... / I can do magic, baby![3], and my soul is a disco[3], and if your consciousness ness is broken in two, uh, I'll make shit far worse for YOU(!)[3], and, ha, I meant better, of course, yes[3], and sha, sha, sha ... man! / You dig?[3], and call my name in your darkest night, and I'll enter your dreams in no time at all - my personal guarantee[3], and if your life needs changing ...[3], and do you often feel powerless?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here, honey ... so gone NOW(!), all of us / and does it get any better?[3], and more are joining every day ...[3], and I see you, and you're doing great[3], and, me, me, me ... see how I'm spinning, like a master / oh, and ... feel the need in me[3], and if you're from the "real" world ....[3], and don't beat yourself up if you can't match me / Do you know I'm the world's foremost financial shaman?[3], and be square there, or cool here[3], and, uh, soon ... I'll be in the rock and roll game / Jimmy, my mentor, says it's all right[3], and not disco, Christ![3], and, hello, he loves you, etc[3], and this ... here ... man, it's better than apple pie! / Don't you think? Don't you? Oh![3], and I shouldn't ask ...[3], and, uh, uh, uh, yes, I know, you've got feelings now, nothing more than feelings - well done![3], and, so, so, so ... it's coming a-ROUND again[3], and - ha![3], and let's get right back to where we started from![3], and

And, yes, seriously[1], and, yes, magic, magic, magic ... / I can do magic, baby![1], and, yes, seriously[2], and my soul is a disco[1], and, yes, magic, magic, magic ... / I can do magic, baby![2], and if your consciousness ness is broken in two, uh, I'll make shit far worse for YOU(!)[1], and my soul is a disco[2], and, ha, I meant better, of course, yes[1], and if your consciousness ness is broken in two, uh, I'll make shit far worse for YOU(!)[2], and sha, sha, sha ... man! / You dig?[1], and, ha, I meant better, of course, yes[2], and call my name in your darkest night, and I'll enter your dreams in no time at all - my personal guarantee[1], and sha, sha, sha ... man! / You dig?[2], and if your life needs changing ...[1], and call my name in your darkest night, and I'll enter your dreams in no time at all - my personal guarantee[2], and do you often feel powerless?[1], and if your life needs changing ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here, honey ... so gone NOW(!), all of us / and does it get any better?[1], and do you often feel powerless?[2], and more are joining every day ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here, honey ... so gone NOW(!), all of us / and does it get any better?[2], and I see you, and you're doing great[1], and more are joining every day ...[2], and, me, me, me ... see how I'm spinning, like a master / oh, and ... feel the need in me[1], and I see you, and you're doing great[2], and if you're from the "real" world ....[1], and, me, me, me ... see how I'm spinning, like a master / oh, and ... feel the need in me[2], and don't beat yourself up if you can't match me / Do you know I'm the world's foremost financial shaman?[1], and if you're from the "real" world ....[2], and be square there, or cool here[1], and don't beat yourself up if you can't match me / Do you know I'm the world's foremost financial shaman?[2], and, uh, soon ... I'll be in the rock and roll game / Jimmy, my mentor, says it's all right[1], and be square there, or cool here[2], and not disco, Christ![1], and, uh, soon ... I'll be in the rock and roll game / Jimmy, my mentor, says it's all right[2], and, hello, he loves you, etc[1], and not disco, Christ![2], and this ... here ... man, it's better than apple pie! / Don't you think? Don't you? Oh![1], and, hello, he loves you, etc[2], and I shouldn't ask ...[1], and this ... here ... man, it's better than apple pie! / Don't you think? Don't you? Oh![2], and, uh, uh, uh, yes, I know, you've got feelings now, nothing more than feelings - well done![1], and I shouldn't ask ...[2], and, so, so, so ... it's coming a-ROUND again[1], and, uh, uh, uh, yes, I know, you've got feelings now, nothing more than feelings - well done![2], and - ha![1], and, so, so, so ... it's coming a-ROUND again[2], and let's get right back to where we started from![1], and - ha![2], and, yes, seriously[3], and let's get right back to where we started from![2], and, yes, magic, magic, magic ... / I can do magic, baby![3], and my soul is a disco[3], and if your consciousness ness is broken in two, uh, I'll make shit far worse for YOU(!)[3], and, ha, I meant better, of course, yes[3], and sha, sha, sha ... man! / You dig?[3], and call my name in your darkest night, and I'll enter your dreams in no time at all - my personal guarantee[3], and if your life needs changing ...[3], and do you often feel powerless?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here, honey ... so gone NOW(!), all of us / and does it get any better?[3], and more are joining every day ...[3], and I see you, and you're doing great[3], and, me, me, me ... see how I'm spinning, like a master / oh, and ... feel the need in me[3], and if you're from the "real" world ....[3], and don't beat yourself up if you can't match me / Do you know I'm the world's foremost financial shaman?[3], and be square there, or cool here[3], and, uh, soon ... I'll be in the rock and roll game / Jimmy, my mentor, says it's all right[3], and not disco, Christ![3], and, hello, he loves you, etc[3], and this ... here ... man, it's better than apple pie! / Don't you think? Don't you? Oh![3], and I shouldn't ask ...[3], and, uh, uh, uh, yes, I know, you've got feelings now, nothing more than feelings - well done![3], and, so, so, so ... it's coming a-ROUND again[3], and - ha![3], and let's get right back to where we started from![3], and

Equiteq named boutique investment banking firm of the year

Nice one! It's about time they got some recognition. 'Is it, boss?' Yes, Voice, it is. 'Oh. Who are they then?' Er ... hang on.

Equiteq is a global sector-focused M&A and strategic advisory firm. The company works with the shareholders of knowledge-intensive business services firms, helping them to achieve their business and exit objectives. Equiteq's services are designed to deliver great returns for its clients by accelerating revenue, profit, equity value, and realizing that value in a transaction.

You see? 'Yeah. And you knew all this before, did you?' Before what, man? 'Before you received the PR email yesterday.' Well ... not really, no. I mean ... / Christ! Never mind. Does it matter? I'm happy for them, Equiteq, that's the main thing. It doesn't matter who they are. Just as long as they're doing well, you dig? / And this is how well -

Equiteq, the consulting and IT services sector M&A specialist, is pleased to have won the Boutique Investment Banking Firm of the Year at the 9th Annual International M&A Advisor Awards. The award was announced at the gala award ceremony in New York on 12 June.

Very nice. It's a great achievement. / I think we need to hear from David Jorgenson ...

Commenting upon the award, David Jorgenson, CEO of Equiteq said "I'm thrilled that for the second year in a row, an independent judging committee of top M&A industry experts determined that Equiteq should receive another highly acclaimed award. Equiteq has built a unique global boutique model that is 100% focused on helping owners of knowledge-intensive business services firms achieve their exit goals through sale preparation and transaction execution. We are very proud that our individuality and expertise has set us apart."

Thrilled. Proud. 'Great!' / Now David Fergusson ... 'Who?!' Shut up!

David Fergusson, Co-CEO and President of The M&A Advisor said "Since the introduction of the International M&A Awards in 2009, we have continued to witness the growth of cross-border M&A outpace that of domestic dealmaking volume. And we attribute this to the new generation of global M&A experts whose intimate knowledge and expertise in the cultural, financial and legal arenas are redefining our industry. The 2017 International M&A Award winners represent the best of international M&A industry in 2016 who earned these honors by standing out in a group of very impressive finalists."

That's who! 'He doesn't sound too thrilled or proud.' Leave him alone!

...

Well, that's it, and that's enough. It's too hot for finance, dear reader(s). 'It's a bit cooler today, boss.' A bit.

Anything else? 'Politics?' Uh. Do we have to? All right. Boris Johnson had an interview with Eddie Mair yesterday on BBC Radio 4. Talk about a car crash! 'Ha!' It was like Ben Swain being interviewed by Jeremy Paxman in The Thick of It. 'He spelt just with four Js!' Boris was like a chicken, an enormous chicken.

Music? Well, I hope we have wintry weather by the weekend because I want to record my two songs. I can't keep rehearsing them. I've almost rehearsed them to death. 'A bit like the Karate Kid, Mikey!' Exactly like the Karate Kid, Voice! 'And he played guitar too, didn't he?' Eh? Oh yeah. In that other film.

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Global Maritime Fund II

What's that?! You might be wondering, dear reader(s). 'Not if they work at J.P. Morgan, boss. They'll already know.' Well, thank you, Voice. Thank you for spoiling the surprise. 'Sorry.' Idiot!

Okay. Er, this Global Maritime Fund II is a new fund from J.P. Morgan Global Alternatives, which is an arm of J.P. Morgan Asset Management. Anyway, $480 million has been raised for this new fund. '$80 million more than they wanted.' I know. And the question is: Why couldn't they go for the cool half a billion?

Never mind. I guess some people in this world aren't all that ambitious. We shouldn't judge them, dear reader(s).

Oh, oh ... as the title suggests, the name of the fund suggests, it's going to invest in shipping. They want to take advantage of the downturn in the shipping market, apparently. 'Obviously someone at the firm fancies being the new Aristotle Onassis, boss.' Probably, Voice. But will they be able to sail in high winds? 'What?' You know, man: We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds. 'Oh, of course. The wisdom of Onassis.' Yes.

...

Anything else? Austerity? 'Eh?' Austerity. 'Oh.' Yes. Oh, this might be the best article I've read on austerity.

Music? My music? There's not much going on at the moment. It's too hot to record. Unless I want the sound of a fan in the background. 'You've got a fan, Mikey?! Great!' Yes, Voice. To keep me cool in the summer months. 'Oh, that sort of fan.' What?

What's he going on about? Never mind. / Politics? I'm thinking that the election result was perfect. Absolutely perfect. The government, such as it is, owns the Brexit shambles, but ... doesn't really have the power to do much now. 'Nice, boss.' Yes, Voice, it is. / And God knows what will happen today! 'You better ask Him. He's your mate.' Yeah, right.

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

Dickie Hodges is worried about Brexit

Well, we're all worried, son. Those of us with more than one brain cell, anyway. 'Boss.' What? What, Voice? 'Who the hell is Dickie Hodges?! Please.' Ha! Christ! Dickie Hodges, my little invisible friend, is a fund manager. 'Oh.' He manages the Nomura Global Dynamic Bond fund at, uh ... Nomura, I suppose. And he's a head of something, too. 'Oh. Nice. And what does Bloomberg say about him?' Ha! I couldn't find anything. However -

This person is connected to 0 Board Members in 0 different organizations across 0 different industries

... is the normal thing. We all know that. / So, Brexit. It's going to be an absolute disaster for the economy. Soft or hard. It doesn't matter, really. Just because some mentals want this "sovereignty" and "control" shit that don't even exist to be frank. 'Outside of their fevered imaginations, boss.' Of course. It's utter madness. / Well, Fund Web or Strategy Thing have got the story, article thing. 'Eh? What story?' Go and have a look, Voice, the website. What Dickie says about it, Brexit.

Jesus H. - !!! I mean ... / And to make matters worse, David Davis has already submitted to the EU's demands about the timetable for negotiations, divorce bill, etc. We were told by our rulers that they would be strong and - 'Stable, boss.' Shut up! We were told they would kick ass, basically. But they can't. The UK is in a weak position. We will get whatever crumbs the EU decides to give us. 'And yet -' And yet, if we stay in, Voice, we can continue to grow and be friends with everyone like a normal civilized nation. 'Not -' Not like a bunch of freaks, man, on some weird little island, cut off from the world. 'Yeah.' Fuckin' A, yeah! I'm already talking American, you see? 'You've always used phrases like that, boss.' Okay, Voice, okay. That's a fair point.

But you see what I mean, dear reader(s), don't you?

Monday, 19 June 2017

[No. 522] Rock star or nothing

I kinda like NOTHING ...

And again, it seems ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I can still taste the egg sandwich, such luxury[1], and again, it seems ...[2], and I won't go cheap[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I can still taste the egg sandwich, such luxury[2], and I fell off a cliff of REAL LIFE, asleep after lunch, and I woke up, and here I am, again - oh, hello, kook(s)![1], and I won't go cheap[2], and there's music playing ... it's not me[1], and I fell off a cliff of REAL LIFE, asleep after lunch, and I woke up, and here I am, again - oh, hello, kook(s)![2], and I ain't got the energy to strum no guitar / and typing is hard enough, you dig?[1], and there's music playing ... it's not me[2], and let me go back to sleep ...[1], and I ain't got the energy to strum no guitar / and typing is hard enough, you dig?[2], and someone tell me, please, why I'm listening to ... uh, Boz Scaggs now / uh, please![1], and let me go back to sleep ...[2], and half hour's kip does funny things to a man ...[1], and someone tell me, please, why I'm listening to ... uh, Boz Scaggs now / uh, please![2], and it's hot outside / and it's hot in here / and my eyes are glued shut, for fuck's sake![1], and half hour's kip does funny things to a man ...[2], and when I get my shit together ...[1], and it's hot outside / and it's hot in here / and my eyes are glued shut, for fuck's sake![2], and it's a miracle I can write this / and I'm barely thinking, which is just great, yes, no complaints![1], and when I get my shit together ...[2], and a-ROUND with some feeling, so ...[1], and it's a miracle I can write this / and I'm barely thinking, which is just great, yes, no complaints![2], and, yes, yes, yes, I'm gonna get my mind and soul and body together soon, fully functioning[1], and a-ROUND with some feeling, so ...[2], and it could be worse: I could be a total robot[1], and, yes, yes, yes, I'm gonna get my mind and soul and body together soon, fully functioning[2], and they've really got nothing, man, just the buzzing of NOTHING / it can't be much fun ...[1], and it could be worse: I could be a total robot[2], and ... YOU(!) dig? Ha![1], and they've really got nothing, man, just the buzzing of NOTHING / it can't be much fun ...[2], and fucking prove it!!! / Yes, I'm angry[1], and ... YOU(!) dig? Ha![2], and hold me, hold me, come on[1], and fucking prove it!!! / Yes, I'm angry[2], and, Christ! ... my consciousness ness is all over the place / Jesus H. - !, it's just pouring out[1], and hold me, hold me, come on[2], and, yes, DIZZY(!)[1], and, Christ! ... my consciousness ness is all over the place / Jesus H. - !, it's just pouring out[2], and I'll get back on the straight line / and you won't catch me flying off to Pluto[1], and, yes, DIZZY(!)[2], and rock star, rock star, rock star ...[1], and I'll get back on the straight line / and you won't catch me flying off to Pluto[2], and again, it seems ...[3], and rock star, rock star, rock star ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I can still taste the egg sandwich, such luxury[3], and I won't go cheap[3], and I fell off a cliff of REAL LIFE, asleep after lunch, and I woke up, and here I am, again - oh, hello, kook(s)![3], and there's music playing ... it's not me[3], and I ain't got the energy to strum no guitar / and typing is hard enough, you dig?[3], and let me go back to sleep ...[3], and someone tell me, please, why I'm listening to ... uh, Boz Scaggs now / uh, please![3], and half hour's kip does funny things to a man ...[3], and it's hot outside / and it's hot in here / and my eyes are glued shut, for fuck's sake![3], and when I get my shit together ...[3], and it's a miracle I can write this / and I'm barely thinking, which is just great, yes, no complaints![3], and a-ROUND with some feeling, so ...[3], and, yes, yes, yes, I'm gonna get my mind and soul and body together soon, fully functioning[3], and it could be worse: I could be a total robot[3], and they've really got nothing, man, just the buzzing of NOTHING / it can't be much fun ...[3], and ... YOU(!) dig? Ha![3], and fucking prove it!!! / Yes, I'm angry[3], and hold me, hold me, come on[3], and, Christ! ... my consciousness ness is all over the place / Jesus H. - !, it's just pouring out[3], and, yes, DIZZY(!)[3], and I'll get back on the straight line / and you won't catch me flying off to Pluto[3], and rock star, rock star, rock star ...[3], and

And again, it seems ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I can still taste the egg sandwich, such luxury[1], and again, it seems ...[2], and I won't go cheap[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I can still taste the egg sandwich, such luxury[2], and I fell off a cliff of REAL LIFE, asleep after lunch, and I woke up, and here I am, again - oh, hello, kook(s)![1], and I won't go cheap[2], and there's music playing ... it's not me[1], and I fell off a cliff of REAL LIFE, asleep after lunch, and I woke up, and here I am, again - oh, hello, kook(s)![2], and I ain't got the energy to strum no guitar / and typing is hard enough, you dig?[1], and there's music playing ... it's not me[2], and let me go back to sleep ...[1], and I ain't got the energy to strum no guitar / and typing is hard enough, you dig?[2], and someone tell me, please, why I'm listening to ... uh, Boz Scaggs now / uh, please![1], and let me go back to sleep ...[2], and half hour's kip does funny things to a man ...[1], and someone tell me, please, why I'm listening to ... uh, Boz Scaggs now / uh, please![2], and it's hot outside / and it's hot in here / and my eyes are glued shut, for fuck's sake![1], and half hour's kip does funny things to a man ...[2], and when I get my shit together ...[1], and it's hot outside / and it's hot in here / and my eyes are glued shut, for fuck's sake![2], and it's a miracle I can write this / and I'm barely thinking, which is just great, yes, no complaints![1], and when I get my shit together ...[2], and a-ROUND with some feeling, so ...[1], and it's a miracle I can write this / and I'm barely thinking, which is just great, yes, no complaints![2], and, yes, yes, yes, I'm gonna get my mind and soul and body together soon, fully functioning[1], and a-ROUND with some feeling, so ...[2], and it could be worse: I could be a total robot[1], and, yes, yes, yes, I'm gonna get my mind and soul and body together soon, fully functioning[2], and they've really got nothing, man, just the buzzing of NOTHING / it can't be much fun ...[1], and it could be worse: I could be a total robot[2], and ... YOU(!) dig? Ha![1], and they've really got nothing, man, just the buzzing of NOTHING / it can't be much fun ...[2], and fucking prove it!!! / Yes, I'm angry[1], and ... YOU(!) dig? Ha![2], and hold me, hold me, come on[1], and fucking prove it!!! / Yes, I'm angry[2], and, Christ! ... my consciousness ness is all over the place / Jesus H. - !, it's just pouring out[1], and hold me, hold me, come on[2], and, yes, DIZZY(!)[1], and, Christ! ... my consciousness ness is all over the place / Jesus H. - !, it's just pouring out[2], and I'll get back on the straight line / and you won't catch me flying off to Pluto[1], and, yes, DIZZY(!)[2], and rock star, rock star, rock star ...[1], and I'll get back on the straight line / and you won't catch me flying off to Pluto[2], and again, it seems ...[3], and rock star, rock star, rock star ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I can still taste the egg sandwich, such luxury[3], and I won't go cheap[3], and I fell off a cliff of REAL LIFE, asleep after lunch, and I woke up, and here I am, again - oh, hello, kook(s)![3], and there's music playing ... it's not me[3], and I ain't got the energy to strum no guitar / and typing is hard enough, you dig?[3], and let me go back to sleep ...[3], and someone tell me, please, why I'm listening to ... uh, Boz Scaggs now / uh, please![3], and half hour's kip does funny things to a man ...[3], and it's hot outside / and it's hot in here / and my eyes are glued shut, for fuck's sake![3], and when I get my shit together ...[3], and it's a miracle I can write this / and I'm barely thinking, which is just great, yes, no complaints![3], and a-ROUND with some feeling, so ...[3], and, yes, yes, yes, I'm gonna get my mind and soul and body together soon, fully functioning[3], and it could be worse: I could be a total robot[3], and they've really got nothing, man, just the buzzing of NOTHING / it can't be much fun ...[3], and ... YOU(!) dig? Ha![3], and fucking prove it!!! / Yes, I'm angry[3], and hold me, hold me, come on[3], and, Christ! ... my consciousness ness is all over the place / Jesus H. - !, it's just pouring out[3], and, yes, DIZZY(!)[3], and I'll get back on the straight line / and you won't catch me flying off to Pluto[3], and rock star, rock star, rock star ...[3], and

And again, it seems ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I can still taste the egg sandwich, such luxury[1], and again, it seems ...[2], and I won't go cheap[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I can still taste the egg sandwich, such luxury[2], and I fell off a cliff of REAL LIFE, asleep after lunch, and I woke up, and here I am, again - oh, hello, kook(s)![1], and I won't go cheap[2], and there's music playing ... it's not me[1], and I fell off a cliff of REAL LIFE, asleep after lunch, and I woke up, and here I am, again - oh, hello, kook(s)![2], and I ain't got the energy to strum no guitar / and typing is hard enough, you dig?[1], and there's music playing ... it's not me[2], and let me go back to sleep ...[1], and I ain't got the energy to strum no guitar / and typing is hard enough, you dig?[2], and someone tell me, please, why I'm listening to ... uh, Boz Scaggs now / uh, please![1], and let me go back to sleep ...[2], and half hour's kip does funny things to a man ...[1], and someone tell me, please, why I'm listening to ... uh, Boz Scaggs now / uh, please![2], and it's hot outside / and it's hot in here / and my eyes are glued shut, for fuck's sake![1], and half hour's kip does funny things to a man ...[2], and when I get my shit together ...[1], and it's hot outside / and it's hot in here / and my eyes are glued shut, for fuck's sake![2], and it's a miracle I can write this / and I'm barely thinking, which is just great, yes, no complaints![1], and when I get my shit together ...[2], and a-ROUND with some feeling, so ...[1], and it's a miracle I can write this / and I'm barely thinking, which is just great, yes, no complaints![2], and, yes, yes, yes, I'm gonna get my mind and soul and body together soon, fully functioning[1], and a-ROUND with some feeling, so ...[2], and it could be worse: I could be a total robot[1], and, yes, yes, yes, I'm gonna get my mind and soul and body together soon, fully functioning[2], and they've really got nothing, man, just the buzzing of NOTHING / it can't be much fun ...[1], and it could be worse: I could be a total robot[2], and ... YOU(!) dig? Ha![1], and they've really got nothing, man, just the buzzing of NOTHING / it can't be much fun ...[2], and fucking prove it!!! / Yes, I'm angry[1], and ... YOU(!) dig? Ha![2], and hold me, hold me, come on[1], and fucking prove it!!! / Yes, I'm angry[2], and, Christ! ... my consciousness ness is all over the place / Jesus H. - !, it's just pouring out[1], and hold me, hold me, come on[2], and, yes, DIZZY(!)[1], and, Christ! ... my consciousness ness is all over the place / Jesus H. - !, it's just pouring out[2], and I'll get back on the straight line / and you won't catch me flying off to Pluto[1], and, yes, DIZZY(!)[2], and rock star, rock star, rock star ...[1], and I'll get back on the straight line / and you won't catch me flying off to Pluto[2], and again, it seems ...[3], and rock star, rock star, rock star ...[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and I can still taste the egg sandwich, such luxury[3], and I won't go cheap[3], and I fell off a cliff of REAL LIFE, asleep after lunch, and I woke up, and here I am, again - oh, hello, kook(s)![3], and there's music playing ... it's not me[3], and I ain't got the energy to strum no guitar / and typing is hard enough, you dig?[3], and let me go back to sleep ...[3], and someone tell me, please, why I'm listening to ... uh, Boz Scaggs now / uh, please![3], and half hour's kip does funny things to a man ...[3], and it's hot outside / and it's hot in here / and my eyes are glued shut, for fuck's sake![3], and when I get my shit together ...[3], and it's a miracle I can write this / and I'm barely thinking, which is just great, yes, no complaints![3], and a-ROUND with some feeling, so ...[3], and, yes, yes, yes, I'm gonna get my mind and soul and body together soon, fully functioning[3], and it could be worse: I could be a total robot[3], and they've really got nothing, man, just the buzzing of NOTHING / it can't be much fun ...[3], and ... YOU(!) dig? Ha![3], and fucking prove it!!! / Yes, I'm angry[3], and hold me, hold me, come on[3], and, Christ! ... my consciousness ness is all over the place / Jesus H. - !, it's just pouring out[3], and, yes, DIZZY(!)[3], and I'll get back on the straight line / and you won't catch me flying off to Pluto[3], and rock star, rock star, rock star ...[3], and

Mustavaaran Kaivos raises 9.7 M€ ...

What?! Yeah. That's what I said, dear reader(s), when I got the email. Firstly, I've no idea who or what this Mustavaaran Kaivos Oy is. 'Oy?!' Yes, Voice, Oy. Read further down the email. They've added an "Oy" now. 'Madness, boss!' Secondly, what is this ME currency? 'Maybe it's a bitcoin thing.' Well ...

Mustavaaran Kaivos Oy (MKOy) is pleased to announce an arrangement of 9.7 M€ funding for the completion of a bankable feasibility study on its vanadium plant project. The funding has been made possible through contributions by local investor Osuuskunta PPO and Tesi (Finnish Industry Investment Ltd), as well as existing main shareholders of MKOy, being Tamares Mining Group B.V., Akkerman Exploration B.V. and Ilmarinen Mutual Pension Insurance Company.

I'm none the wiser, me. 'Someone's talking about a slag here. Some rotten slag.' What?!

Recycling slag from steel industry.

Eh? Slag? Are they serious? 'Did Danny Dyer send you this email, boss?' No. Not unless he's Finnish now. This comes from Finland, reader(s). 'I suppose they've been watching too many of his films. Is Dyer a big star in Finland?' I really have no idea, Voice.

The project involves the construction of a processing plant at the port of Raahe which will recycle steel slags from SSAB to extract vanadium and iron leaving a slag which can be used in the construction and cement industries.

Er ...

MKOy's end product of the plant will be ferrovanadium (FeV80). Ferrovanadium is mostly used in the steel industry as a strengthening alloy to produce high strength steel and tool steels. Such special steels are used in the construction industry and for aerospace applications. Global steel company SSAB will supply the vanadium containing slag from Finland and Sweden based on a long-term supply agreement. The new innovative and cost-effective process solution will be contributing to a circular economy.

Well, okay. Steel slag. Construction. Cement. Whatever. / Some voices now ...

"This 9.7 M€ financing is a major achievement for our company thanks to the collective effort of our employees, the owners and the support by PPO and TESI. It strengthens our determination to jointly move forward towards the realization of this promising project to the benefit of all stakeholders including the Raahe community" says Jan H. Akkerman, chairman of the board.

'Ha! Not as good as me.'

"MKOy is a significant Finnish circular economy project. Growing demand for stronger and lighter steel will increase vanadium consumption globally. Especially steel consumption growth in emerging markets will positively affect the vanadium industry", comments Tesi's director Kimmo Viertola.

'Ha! They'll never replace me.' Shut up, man!

"MKOy's vanadium production plant will have a long-term positive effect on employment and economic activity in the Raahe area. It is impressive how determinedly the company has worked towards the production phase by comprehensive planning and mutual co-operation with SSAB and the local community. We are pleased to take part in this project", comments Osuuskunta PPO's managing director Kati Peltomaa.

Okay, okay, okay. Thank you, Jan, Kimmo, and Kati. If you ever want a job, I'm looking for a new voice ... 'There's no vacancy, guys!'

...

Right. Anything else? The weather? Well, this heat is unbearable. I wonder how the Aviva Investors mob will be coping today. 'I should imagine they'll stay in the shade, boss. Under a tree, like.' Yes. If they've got any sense ...

Thursday, 15 June 2017

Coinsilium signs MoU with Hyperchain Capital

Okay, okay. What on earth is a "MoU"? 'It's the sound that a cow makes, boss.' No, Voice, that's a "Moo". I'm talking about a "MoU". 'Another PR email, is it?' Yes. 'Well, maybe you should read these emails properly before you decide to write the post.' Shut up, man! That would be too much like hard work. 'Ha!'

Coinsilium Group Limited (NEX: COIN), the accelerator that finances and manages the development of early-stage blockchain technology companies, is pleased to announce that it has signed a Memorandum of Understanding ("MoU") with HyperChain Capital ("HyperChain"), one of the world's first multi-million-dollar hedge funds investing in Blockchain companies, to collaborate and finance co-investment opportunities in blockchain companies.

Ah, I see. It's, er ... it's a memorandum of understanding. 'Well, why couldn't they say that, instead of confusing everyone?' Er ... confusing us, man. Let's be honest. My readers probably knew what it was. 'They know everything, don't they?' Yes, they do. It's very annoying.

Investments in Blockchain companies via ICOs have surpassed VC investments in 2017. HyperChain, led by Stelian Balta, is one of the world's first large hedge funds investing in blockchain companies and new blockchain protocols via the acquisition of newly issued crypto and application-specific tokens ('Tokens').

'That wasn't me, boss! That wasn't me!' What? 'The tokens bit.' I know, I know. They always do that, these PR firms. Right. Let's have some fun with them ...

The collaboration will ("Will") leverage the parties' complementary expertise and skillsets ("Skillsets") for investing in and supporting blockchain companies. Coinsilium and HyperChain are co-investors in social ("Social") trading crypto platform CoinDash which plans ("Plans") to launch its Token sale this ("This") summer.

Ha, ha, ha! Let's see how they like them apples. 'Yeah, er ... what apples?!' Never mind. Jesus H. - ! / Okay, okay. Now they all want to say something. 'Who do?' The voices, Voice. 'What fucking voices?!' Uh, these voices -

Eddy Travia, Coinsilium's CEO commented: "We are very pleased to be firming up our relationship with HyperChain following our mutual investment in CoinDash. In this fast-growing market, there are only a few large hedge funds with a focus on Token offerings and fewer still that can claim the experience and aptitude of HyperChain. We look forward to a mutually beneficial collaboration in this exciting new sector."

Eddy, you see? Eddy Travia. 'Yeah. Eddy. Eddy Travia.' And Stelian! 'Who?!' Stelian!

Stelian Balta, CEO of HyperChain stated: "We are very proud to be forming this alliance with Coinsilium who we regard as pioneer investors in blockchain technologies. HyperChain and Coinsilium are early-movers in the blockchain Token investment space and we look forward to identifying co-investment opportunities in innovative blockchain companies and protocols together."

You see? 'Yeah. They'll never replace me, Mikey.' No. Who could replace you? / Okay, okay. Well, I hope it all goes well for them.

...

Anything else? No. No. No. Nothing else. So, have a nice weekend, crocodile(s). Laters!

Wednesday, 14 June 2017

[No. 521] Stories are nonsense

No stories, man. I just spin with words that are sounds only. Great vision. Intense emotion. What else do you need?

And, well, well[1], and the squares are still telling their wretched stories like it's the fucking nineteenth century / Ignore them![1], and, well, well[2], and Dickens, Tolstoy? / Do me a favour![1], and the squares are still telling their wretched stories like it's the fucking nineteenth century / Ignore them![2], and No. 521? ... - ! / Oh, I haven't come this far for a laugh, son, uh, daughter[1], and Dickens, Tolstoy? / Do me a favour![2], and believe me, I'm serious[1], and No. 521? ... - ! / Oh, I haven't come this far for a laugh, son, uh, daughter[2], and Joyce, Beckett? / Great guys, obviously ... yes, they knew the party was coming to an end[1], and believe me, I'm serious[2], and DIZZY(!) yet?[1], and Joyce, Beckett? / Great guys, obviously ... yes, they knew the party was coming to an end[2], and I'll always be indebted to Marcel Duchamp ... / Oh, the man was a giant! / What vision![1], and DIZZY(!) yet?[2], and a-ROUND, kook(s)! / Use your mind, your soul[1], and I'll always be indebted to Marcel Duchamp ... / Oh, the man was a giant! / What vision![2], and Kafka? He's separate[1], and a-ROUND, kook(s)! / Use your mind, your soul[2], and, well, well ... yes, yes, YES! / COME ON - !!![1], and Kafka? He's separate[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / How do you feel? / Actually, do you feel?[1], and, well, well ... yes, yes, YES! / COME ON - !!![2], and I know there's a big elephant in the room ... 'Where?!' / Over there, Voice![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / How do you feel? / Actually, do you feel?[2], and ... 'Oh, that, yeah, I know'[1], and I know there's a big elephant in the room ... 'Where?!' / Over there, Voice![2], and this is nice enough, eh? I mean ... / 'We want more!'[1], and ... 'Oh, that, yeah, I know'[2], and, uh, uh, uh, BEYOND(!) ... yes, but, Christ![1], and this is nice enough, eh? I mean ... / 'We want more!'[2], and, please ... let's just enjoy the spinning without any complications or danger, you dig?[1], and, uh, uh, uh, BEYOND(!) ... yes, but, Christ![2], and ... 'Mikey, we need it!'[1], and, please ... let's just enjoy the spinning without any complications or danger, you dig?[2], and, uh ... the THREE - ?! - ?! - ?! ... / Ha, ha, ha ... this might be the place, but NOW(!) ain't the time[1], and ... 'Mikey, we need it!'[2], and it will happen, one day / Be patient![1], and, uh ... the THREE - ?! - ?! - ?! ... / Ha, ha, ha ... this might be the place, but NOW(!) ain't the time[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / ... and we should thank the cosmos, seriously[1], and it will happen, one day / Be patient![2], and, so ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / ... and we should thank the cosmos, seriously[2], and are we looking for a new salvation ... or just the latest thrill?[1], and, so ...[2], and, well, well[3], and are we looking for a new salvation ... or just the latest thrill?[2], and the squares are still telling their wretched stories like it's the fucking nineteenth century / Ignore them![3], and Dickens, Tolstoy? / Do me a favour![3], and No. 521? ... - ! / Oh, I haven't come this far for a laugh, son, uh, daughter[3], and believe me, I'm serious[3], and Joyce, Beckett? / Great guys, obviously ... yes, they knew the party was coming to an end[3], and DIZZY(!) yet?[3], and I'll always be indebted to Marcel Duchamp ... / Oh, the man was a giant! / What vision![3], and a-ROUND, kook(s)! / Use your mind, your soul[3], and Kafka? He's separate[3], and, well, well ... yes, yes, YES! / COME ON - !!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / How do you feel? / Actually, do you feel?[3], and I know there's a big elephant in the room ... 'Where?!' / Over there, Voice![3], and ... 'Oh, that, yeah, I know'[3], and this is nice enough, eh? I mean ... / 'We want more!'[3], and, uh, uh, uh, BEYOND(!) ... yes, but, Christ![3], and, please ... let's just enjoy the spinning without any complications or danger, you dig?[3], and ... 'Mikey, we need it!'[3], and, uh ... the THREE - ?! - ?! - ?! ... / Ha, ha, ha ... this might be the place, but NOW(!) ain't the time[3], and it will happen, one day / Be patient![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / ... and we should thank the cosmos, seriously[3], and, so ...[3], and are we looking for a new salvation ... or just the latest thrill?[3], and

And, well, well[1], and the squares are still telling their wretched stories like it's the fucking nineteenth century / Ignore them![1], and, well, well[2], and Dickens, Tolstoy? / Do me a favour![1], and the squares are still telling their wretched stories like it's the fucking nineteenth century / Ignore them![2], and No. 521? ... - ! / Oh, I haven't come this far for a laugh, son, uh, daughter[1], and Dickens, Tolstoy? / Do me a favour![2], and believe me, I'm serious[1], and No. 521? ... - ! / Oh, I haven't come this far for a laugh, son, uh, daughter[2], and Joyce, Beckett? / Great guys, obviously ... yes, they knew the party was coming to an end[1], and believe me, I'm serious[2], and DIZZY(!) yet?[1], and Joyce, Beckett? / Great guys, obviously ... yes, they knew the party was coming to an end[2], and I'll always be indebted to Marcel Duchamp ... / Oh, the man was a giant! / What vision![1], and DIZZY(!) yet?[2], and a-ROUND, kook(s)! / Use your mind, your soul[1], and I'll always be indebted to Marcel Duchamp ... / Oh, the man was a giant! / What vision![2], and Kafka? He's separate[1], and a-ROUND, kook(s)! / Use your mind, your soul[2], and, well, well ... yes, yes, YES! / COME ON - !!![1], and Kafka? He's separate[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / How do you feel? / Actually, do you feel?[1], and, well, well ... yes, yes, YES! / COME ON - !!![2], and I know there's a big elephant in the room ... 'Where?!' / Over there, Voice![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / How do you feel? / Actually, do you feel?[2], and ... 'Oh, that, yeah, I know'[1], and I know there's a big elephant in the room ... 'Where?!' / Over there, Voice![2], and this is nice enough, eh? I mean ... / 'We want more!'[1], and ... 'Oh, that, yeah, I know'[2], and, uh, uh, uh, BEYOND(!) ... yes, but, Christ![1], and this is nice enough, eh? I mean ... / 'We want more!'[2], and, please ... let's just enjoy the spinning without any complications or danger, you dig?[1], and, uh, uh, uh, BEYOND(!) ... yes, but, Christ![2], and ... 'Mikey, we need it!'[1], and, please ... let's just enjoy the spinning without any complications or danger, you dig?[2], and, uh ... the THREE - ?! - ?! - ?! ... / Ha, ha, ha ... this might be the place, but NOW(!) ain't the time[1], and ... 'Mikey, we need it!'[2], and it will happen, one day / Be patient![1], and, uh ... the THREE - ?! - ?! - ?! ... / Ha, ha, ha ... this might be the place, but NOW(!) ain't the time[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / ... and we should thank the cosmos, seriously[1], and it will happen, one day / Be patient![2], and, so ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / ... and we should thank the cosmos, seriously[2], and are we looking for a new salvation ... or just the latest thrill?[1], and, so ...[2], and, well, well[3], and are we looking for a new salvation ... or just the latest thrill?[2], and the squares are still telling their wretched stories like it's the fucking nineteenth century / Ignore them![3], and Dickens, Tolstoy? / Do me a favour![3], and No. 521? ... - ! / Oh, I haven't come this far for a laugh, son, uh, daughter[3], and believe me, I'm serious[3], and Joyce, Beckett? / Great guys, obviously ... yes, they knew the party was coming to an end[3], and DIZZY(!) yet?[3], and I'll always be indebted to Marcel Duchamp ... / Oh, the man was a giant! / What vision![3], and a-ROUND, kook(s)! / Use your mind, your soul[3], and Kafka? He's separate[3], and, well, well ... yes, yes, YES! / COME ON - !!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / How do you feel? / Actually, do you feel?[3], and I know there's a big elephant in the room ... 'Where?!' / Over there, Voice![3], and ... 'Oh, that, yeah, I know'[3], and this is nice enough, eh? I mean ... / 'We want more!'[3], and, uh, uh, uh, BEYOND(!) ... yes, but, Christ![3], and, please ... let's just enjoy the spinning without any complications or danger, you dig?[3], and ... 'Mikey, we need it!'[3], and, uh ... the THREE - ?! - ?! - ?! ... / Ha, ha, ha ... this might be the place, but NOW(!) ain't the time[3], and it will happen, one day / Be patient![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / ... and we should thank the cosmos, seriously[3], and, so ...[3], and are we looking for a new salvation ... or just the latest thrill?[3], and

And, well, well[1], and the squares are still telling their wretched stories like it's the fucking nineteenth century / Ignore them![1], and, well, well[2], and Dickens, Tolstoy? / Do me a favour![1], and the squares are still telling their wretched stories like it's the fucking nineteenth century / Ignore them![2], and No. 521? ... - ! / Oh, I haven't come this far for a laugh, son, uh, daughter[1], and Dickens, Tolstoy? / Do me a favour![2], and believe me, I'm serious[1], and No. 521? ... - ! / Oh, I haven't come this far for a laugh, son, uh, daughter[2], and Joyce, Beckett? / Great guys, obviously ... yes, they knew the party was coming to an end[1], and believe me, I'm serious[2], and DIZZY(!) yet?[1], and Joyce, Beckett? / Great guys, obviously ... yes, they knew the party was coming to an end[2], and I'll always be indebted to Marcel Duchamp ... / Oh, the man was a giant! / What vision![1], and DIZZY(!) yet?[2], and a-ROUND, kook(s)! / Use your mind, your soul[1], and I'll always be indebted to Marcel Duchamp ... / Oh, the man was a giant! / What vision![2], and Kafka? He's separate[1], and a-ROUND, kook(s)! / Use your mind, your soul[2], and, well, well ... yes, yes, YES! / COME ON - !!![1], and Kafka? He's separate[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / How do you feel? / Actually, do you feel?[1], and, well, well ... yes, yes, YES! / COME ON - !!![2], and I know there's a big elephant in the room ... 'Where?!' / Over there, Voice![1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / How do you feel? / Actually, do you feel?[2], and ... 'Oh, that, yeah, I know'[1], and I know there's a big elephant in the room ... 'Where?!' / Over there, Voice![2], and this is nice enough, eh? I mean ... / 'We want more!'[1], and ... 'Oh, that, yeah, I know'[2], and, uh, uh, uh, BEYOND(!) ... yes, but, Christ![1], and this is nice enough, eh? I mean ... / 'We want more!'[2], and, please ... let's just enjoy the spinning without any complications or danger, you dig?[1], and, uh, uh, uh, BEYOND(!) ... yes, but, Christ![2], and ... 'Mikey, we need it!'[1], and, please ... let's just enjoy the spinning without any complications or danger, you dig?[2], and, uh ... the THREE - ?! - ?! - ?! ... / Ha, ha, ha ... this might be the place, but NOW(!) ain't the time[1], and ... 'Mikey, we need it!'[2], and it will happen, one day / Be patient![1], and, uh ... the THREE - ?! - ?! - ?! ... / Ha, ha, ha ... this might be the place, but NOW(!) ain't the time[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / ... and we should thank the cosmos, seriously[1], and it will happen, one day / Be patient![2], and, so ...[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / ... and we should thank the cosmos, seriously[2], and are we looking for a new salvation ... or just the latest thrill?[1], and, so ...[2], and, well, well[3], and are we looking for a new salvation ... or just the latest thrill?[2], and the squares are still telling their wretched stories like it's the fucking nineteenth century / Ignore them![3], and Dickens, Tolstoy? / Do me a favour![3], and No. 521? ... - ! / Oh, I haven't come this far for a laugh, son, uh, daughter[3], and believe me, I'm serious[3], and Joyce, Beckett? / Great guys, obviously ... yes, they knew the party was coming to an end[3], and DIZZY(!) yet?[3], and I'll always be indebted to Marcel Duchamp ... / Oh, the man was a giant! / What vision![3], and a-ROUND, kook(s)! / Use your mind, your soul[3], and Kafka? He's separate[3], and, well, well ... yes, yes, YES! / COME ON - !!![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / How do you feel? / Actually, do you feel?[3], and I know there's a big elephant in the room ... 'Where?!' / Over there, Voice![3], and ... 'Oh, that, yeah, I know'[3], and this is nice enough, eh? I mean ... / 'We want more!'[3], and, uh, uh, uh, BEYOND(!) ... yes, but, Christ![3], and, please ... let's just enjoy the spinning without any complications or danger, you dig?[3], and ... 'Mikey, we need it!'[3], and, uh ... the THREE - ?! - ?! - ?! ... / Ha, ha, ha ... this might be the place, but NOW(!) ain't the time[3], and it will happen, one day / Be patient![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / ... and we should thank the cosmos, seriously[3], and, so ...[3], and are we looking for a new salvation ... or just the latest thrill?[3], and

Dan Sundheim is leaving Viking

Yeah, he's leaving. 'Oh dear. Break up of a relationship, is it, boss? I had no idea that there were still Vikings around.' Eh?! What are you going on about, Voice. Our Danny - yes, Danny to his friends - is leaving Viking Global Investors at the end of June. 'Oh, I get you. Okay.' And $8 billion is being returned to investors. For, er, some reason. 'And can Bloomberg tell us anything interesting about this Danny, our Danny?' Yes, they certainly can -

This person is connected to 0 Board Members in 0 different organizations across 0 different industries.

You see? 'Yeah, that's great. That's just great, that is.' Yeah. The good news is, they're more helpful about the firm itself -

Viking Global Investors LP is a privately owned hedge fund sponsor. The firm primarily provides its services to pooled investment vehicles. It invests in the public equity and fixed income markets across the globe. The firm invests in broad-based sectors. It employs fundamental analysis to make its investments. The firm uses internal research. Viking Global Investors LP was founded in 1999 and is based in Greenwich, Connecticut with additional offices in New York City, Hong Kong, and London, United Kingdom.

You see? 'Yeah. What do they want, Bloomberg? A biscuit? That's their fucking job, man!' All right, all right. Don't be like that, Voice.

I'm just wondering why Viking has got to return $8 billion to investors now. 'Well, this Danny was the chief investment officer. Important guy and all that. Maybe people are upset that he's leaving.' Maybe, Voice. Who knows?!

Well, well ... / Obviously, uh ... Mr Sundheim will be pursuing other interests. 'Christ! Like what? Golf?' We don't know, man. Maybe he'll start a new firm. Maybe he'll buy a guitar. The world is his lobster. It's hard not to envy him. Not that I envy him, of course. I'm happy with my life the way it is. 'Why did you say it then, boss?' Ah! I said it BECAUSE(!) ... there may be readers of this blog who aren't happy with their situation, their life. You know, guys who would love to be out on the golf course today ... on such a sunny day, too. 'Yeah. What about the Aviva Investors crowd?' Ha! Life of Riley, Voice. 'Ha!' Enough said. Bloody hell! Aviva Investors, eh?

...

Anything else? Well, I can't think of anything, to be honest with you, dear reader(s). I'll be doing a conceptual later, No. 521. 'Politics, Mikey?' Politics? I want a general election - NOW!!!

Tuesday, 13 June 2017

Ian Rumens is the global head of private wealth services

Well, well ... / Yeah, from, uh ... Intertrust again. 'Christ!' There's no harm in it, I suppose. 'Is this a PR email, boss?' Yes, Voice. 'Don't you have any others?' Not at the moment, no. Is there a problem? 'Well, I'm just thinking ... Intertrust again, you know?' So? Pat sent it. 'Pat?! Who the bloody hell is Pat?!' Patricia. 'Oh, Patricia. Of course. Yeah, she's all right.' Yeah, she is all right. I'm glad you approve, Voice. / Now, let's get down to business -

Intertrust has announced the appointment of Ian Rumens as Global Head of Private Wealth Services. Ian is based in the Jersey office.

Ian has been part of Intertrust's private wealth team as director since the acquisition of Elian in 2016. He joined Elian in 2009 from an international legal fiduciary firm based in Jersey. Prior to this, Ian spent six years practising as an English solicitor with leading private client practices in London. He therefore has extensive international experience in both the legal and fiduciary fields.


Okay. Nice. There's a picture of him somewhere. Probably in the attachment. I ain't bothered though. 'I doubt he's an oil painting, boss. Finance guy and that.' I know. / Anyway - oh! 'What?' I've just had a cheeky look at his LinkedIn profile. He's been at Intertrust for ten months! 'Ten months?!' Ten months! This is old news, man! 'Ha! That Pat! What a joker!' Well, we've got to continue with it now, ain't we? Hang on! 'What?' The plot thickens. He's been at Intertrust since 2009! 'What?!' This is beyond a joke! 'No, no, no. Read that bit above.' Where? 'ABOVE!!!' Okay. Oh, he was at Elian, which was bought by Intertrust. Well, I'm confused. I really am. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! 'Boss -'

At Intertrust, Ian will be focussed on expanding Intertrust's client base amongst the world's wealthiest families and high net worth individuals. He will lead an experienced international team of professionals within the private wealth business globally to continue to deliver the highest level of service to entrepreneurial individuals who have cross jurisdictional requirements.

Yeah, that doesn't help, son. I just wish Sauce was here. Sauce could clear things up for us. It's a shame I don't have his phone number ... 'Boss! Listen! A voice out of nowhere!' Oh, Christ! Not another one! 'Listen -'

"I am very pleased to welcome Ian to his new role within the business. His appointment ensures continuity of quality and stability to Intertrust's private wealth team and clients. His experience and leadership skills will help us grow this area of our business, bolstering our position as the leading player in the private wealth services industry."

Who the fuck was that?! Seriously. 'It was Sauce.' Are you sure? 'Yes, it was Sauce. That was his voice, definitely. New role within the business, he says.' Okay. Okay. Well, whatever. Thank you, Voice.

Ends.

...

I'm still none the wiser, me. But let's move on, eh? Anything else? Not much. Politics? Er, I don't do politics, dear reader(s), because ... I'm not a goddamn square. However, I will just say I think it's ridiculous the conservatives are pretending that nothing happened last week. 'And they say there's no appetite in the country for another general election, boss.' Ha! There is massive appetite for another election, man.

But laters, yeah?

Monday, 12 June 2017

[No. 520] Strong and stable?

What do you think?

And - believe, yes![1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![1], and - believe, yes![2], and no, no, no[1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![2], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![1], and no, no, no[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[1], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![2], and I hope[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[2], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[1], and I hope[2], and NOTHING should be the answer[1], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[2], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[1], and NOTHING should be the answer[2], and positive, negative - does it matter?[1], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[2], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[1], and positive, negative - does it matter?[2], and it matters for a while, I suppose[1], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[1], and it matters for a while, I suppose[2], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[2], and pretty fast, I know[1], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[2], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[1], and pretty fast, I know[2], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[1], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[2], and, but ... dark clouds![1], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[2], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[1], and, but ... dark clouds![2], and none of us are that strong, that stable[1], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[2], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[1], and none of us are that strong, that stable[2], and one day ...[1], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[2], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[1], and one day ...[2], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[1], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[2], and - believe, yes![3], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and, but ... don't think too much, please![3], and no, no, no[3], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[3], and I hope[3], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[3], and NOTHING should be the answer[3], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[3], and positive, negative - does it matter?[3], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[3], and it matters for a while, I suppose[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[3], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[3], and pretty fast, I know[3], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[3], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[3], and, but ... dark clouds![3], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[3], and none of us are that strong, that stable[3], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[3], and one day ...[3], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[3], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and

And - believe, yes![1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![1], and - believe, yes![2], and no, no, no[1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![2], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![1], and no, no, no[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[1], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![2], and I hope[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[2], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[1], and I hope[2], and NOTHING should be the answer[1], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[2], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[1], and NOTHING should be the answer[2], and positive, negative - does it matter?[1], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[2], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[1], and positive, negative - does it matter?[2], and it matters for a while, I suppose[1], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[1], and it matters for a while, I suppose[2], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[2], and pretty fast, I know[1], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[2], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[1], and pretty fast, I know[2], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[1], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[2], and, but ... dark clouds![1], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[2], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[1], and, but ... dark clouds![2], and none of us are that strong, that stable[1], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[2], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[1], and none of us are that strong, that stable[2], and one day ...[1], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[2], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[1], and one day ...[2], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[1], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[2], and - believe, yes![3], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and, but ... don't think too much, please![3], and no, no, no[3], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[3], and I hope[3], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[3], and NOTHING should be the answer[3], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[3], and positive, negative - does it matter?[3], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[3], and it matters for a while, I suppose[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[3], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[3], and pretty fast, I know[3], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[3], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[3], and, but ... dark clouds![3], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[3], and none of us are that strong, that stable[3], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[3], and one day ...[3], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[3], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and

And - believe, yes![1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![1], and - believe, yes![2], and no, no, no[1], and, but ... don't think too much, please![2], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![1], and no, no, no[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[1], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![2], and I hope[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[2], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[1], and I hope[2], and NOTHING should be the answer[1], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[2], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[1], and NOTHING should be the answer[2], and positive, negative - does it matter?[1], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[2], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[1], and positive, negative - does it matter?[2], and it matters for a while, I suppose[1], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[1], and it matters for a while, I suppose[2], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[2], and pretty fast, I know[1], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[2], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[1], and pretty fast, I know[2], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[1], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[2], and, but ... dark clouds![1], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[2], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[1], and, but ... dark clouds![2], and none of us are that strong, that stable[1], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[2], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[1], and none of us are that strong, that stable[2], and one day ...[1], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[2], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[1], and one day ...[2], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[1], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[2], and ... COME ON - !!![1], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[2], and - believe, yes![3], and ... COME ON - !!![2], and, but ... don't think too much, please![3], and no, no, no[3], and, oh! ... I try my best, kook(s) / and I'm getting better, man![3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND here ... / I'm strong enough to take it[3], and I hope[3], and I'm your leader, son, er, daughter, BUT(!) what do you want from me?[3], and NOTHING should be the answer[3], and, uh, because I've had a hard life, want to take it easy now ...[3], and positive, negative - does it matter?[3], and the more time I spend here, uh, forever ... the better I feel, the better I'm gonna feel, you dig?[3], and it matters for a while, I suppose[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, yes, feel it, yes, come on, my kook(s)[3], and thought is the poison / I'm lucky to have a massive vision with no words[3], and pretty fast, I know[3], and if you feel you're losing your grip, then hold on to me ... / I can't let go because I'm fucking stuck[3], and ain't this a bigger thrill than any rollercoaster?[3], and, but ... dark clouds![3], and the universe has another five billion years to go, at least, so ... / What are your plans?[3], and none of us are that strong, that stable[3], and look for Alexander, Caesar, Napoleon / Where are they? / Oh, dust in the wind ...[3], and one day ...[3], and, ha, ha, ha! ... Let's not get depressed now, eh? / Life is so beautiful[3], and we'll always get a-ROUND here[3], and ... COME ON - !!![3], and

The general election - my analysis

Well, well ... / I was right, wasn't I? The Conservative Party lost its majority and may now have to form a minority government. 'What about the DUP, boss?' Oh, yes, Voice. They will prop the government up for a while, I suppose. However, the best thing would be to have the Labour Party forming a minority government. I mean, they more or less won the election, didn't they? 'Well, yeah ... more or less, boss.' That's what I said, idiot! More or less. They didn't technically win it, but - 'You can say that they won the election ... morally.' Yes. They won it in spirit, as it were.

The question is, dear reader(s): What do we want? Hope, and a bright future? Or austerity, misery, collapse, destruction ... ?! 'It's a no-brainer!' YES! We want a revolution!

Theresa May won't last long. The Conservatives won't last long. The young people who voted for change will keep voting for change. And their numbers will grow.

Brexit is dead now. At the very worst we will have an extremely soft Brexit which will be almost identical to the arrangement we presently have with the European Union. 'But we'll be out of the EU on worse terms!' Slightly out, slightly worse terms, son. That's if it happens at all. Everyone can see now that a full hard Brexit will bring economic ruin to Great Britain. No sensible person will want that on top of the political chaos we already have.

So, who will be the next Conservative leader? 'Ha!' It really doesn't matter. Maybe a hedge fund manager will crawl out of the shadows to take over. Or the editor of the Daily Mail. 'That would make sense, boss. A bit of honesty for a change. It would show the people who's really in charge, like.' Yes, it would certainly be refreshing, Voice. / But it won't save them!

Jeremy Corbyn? Well, the man has grown in stature. I think we all had our doubts about him, dear reader(s). But he's clearly the prime minister in waiting. He just has to strengthen his shadow cabinet, and maybe demote Diane Abbott. I can't see her as home secretary, to be honest with you. 'What about their unrealistic policies, boss?' Ha! Firstly ... they're not unrealistic, man. The rich will lose a bit of money, and the food banks will close. So what? That would be a good thing, surely. Secondly, even if their policies are unrealistic ... SO FUCKING WHAT?! The country is doomed, anyway. We can destroy it the conservative way or the socialist way. WHAT DOES IT MATTER?! 'Eh?! What happened to the message of hope?' Uh ...

Sorry. That was just my natural negativity taking over. I'm sure everything will be fine.

...

Anything else? That's all the news that's fit to print(?). I don't feel like writing about finance today. And I couldn't find any interesting news, so ... 'PR emails?' I haven't received any lately. Only a few at the end of last week, from nutjobs frightened by the election result. We can dismiss them.

No. 520? Later. Laters.

Thursday, 8 June 2017

Hamilton Lane Secondary Fund IV - ?

Well, this is interesting. Hamilton Lane wanted $1.25 billion for this thing, right. 'Hamilton Lane? Never heard of him, boss!' It's a firm, stupid. 'Oh.' Look -

Hamilton Lane is an alternative investment management firm providing innovative private markets services to sophisticated investors around the world. The firm has been dedicated to private markets investing for 25 years and currently has 290 employees operating in offices around the world. Hamilton Lane has been named a Best Place to Work by Pensions & Investments for five consecutive years.

Investment firm, see, just like all the others. 'Well, that's a relief.' Yeah, right. Anyway, they wanted $1.25 billion for this thing. 'What thing?' The fund, Voice. The Hamilton Lane Secondary Fund IV. 'Oh, their fourth fund. Why didn't you say?' I did say! They wanted $1.25 billion, okay? 'Yeah. How much have they got?' Well, that's the interesting thing. They've managed to raise $1.9 billion. 'Great! / Er ... the question is, though ...' Yes, why didn't they go for the cool two billion? 'Boss, if you've got $1.9 billion, you may as well as go for the cool $2 billion. Just to keep things neat and tidy, like.' Yes, Voice. That's the way I look at it. / Jesus! Some people ...

Christ! I suppose they have their reasons. I mean, maybe they're exhausted. Look at me. 'You?' Me. I still don't have enough songs for my debut album, you know? 'That's because you're a perfectionist, Mikey.' Yes. But I'm exhausted, too. And maybe they feel the same way. 'It's a real shame.' Well, never mind. You've got to let people make their own choices in life, you dig? If Hamilton Lane are happy with $1.9 billion, then let them be happy with it.

Oh, oh ... the fund is going to invest in proprietarily-sourced single funds, subset portfolios, and complex structured/direct investments. Whatever all that is. I'm no expert, as you know, dear reader(s). 'You're on the mystical side of things, boss.' Thank you, Voice. They know that. I'm the world's foremost financial shaman, dear reader(s). 'They know!' Shut up, man. Please.

...

Anything else? 'Ha!' No, not really. End of the week, ain't it? I've said everything I wanted to say. Of course, I'll be back next week, and I'll have other things to say then - for my sins. 'Ha!' What's the point of it all? Oh, it doesn't matter. It keeps me off the streets.

Laters.

Wednesday, 7 June 2017

[No. 519] Breakfast, lunch, dinner

All for wimps.

And spin ... NOW - !!![1], and it's a chance to lose weight[1], and spin ... NOW - !!![2], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[1], and it's a chance to lose weight[2], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[1], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[2], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[1], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[2], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[1], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[2], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[1], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[2], and hardworking madman[1], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[2], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[1], and hardworking madman[2], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[1], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![1], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[2], and it's the way of champions[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![2], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[1], and it's the way of champions[2], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[1], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[2], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![1], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[2], and rather you than me ...[1], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![2], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[1], and rather you than me ...[2], and Battenberg cake for me![1], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[2], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[1], and Battenberg cake for me![2], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![1], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[2], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[1], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![2], and, well, never mind, eh?[1], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[2], and spin ... NOW - !!![3], and, well, never mind, eh?[2], and it's a chance to lose weight[3], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[3], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[3], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[3], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[3], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[3], and hardworking madman[3], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[3], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![3], and it's the way of champions[3], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[3], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[3], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![3], and rather you than me ...[3], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[3], and Battenberg cake for me![3], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[3], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![3], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[3], and, well, never mind, eh?[3], and

And spin ... NOW - !!![1], and it's a chance to lose weight[1], and spin ... NOW - !!![2], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[1], and it's a chance to lose weight[2], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[1], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[2], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[1], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[2], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[1], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[2], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[1], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[2], and hardworking madman[1], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[2], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[1], and hardworking madman[2], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[1], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![1], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[2], and it's the way of champions[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![2], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[1], and it's the way of champions[2], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[1], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[2], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![1], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[2], and rather you than me ...[1], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![2], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[1], and rather you than me ...[2], and Battenberg cake for me![1], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[2], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[1], and Battenberg cake for me![2], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![1], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[2], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[1], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![2], and, well, never mind, eh?[1], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[2], and spin ... NOW - !!![3], and, well, never mind, eh?[2], and it's a chance to lose weight[3], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[3], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[3], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[3], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[3], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[3], and hardworking madman[3], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[3], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![3], and it's the way of champions[3], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[3], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[3], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![3], and rather you than me ...[3], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[3], and Battenberg cake for me![3], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[3], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![3], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[3], and, well, never mind, eh?[3], and

And spin ... NOW - !!![1], and it's a chance to lose weight[1], and spin ... NOW - !!![2], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[1], and it's a chance to lose weight[2], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[1], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[2], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[1], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[2], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[1], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[2], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[1], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[2], and hardworking madman[1], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[2], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[1], and hardworking madman[2], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[1], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[2], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![1], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[2], and it's the way of champions[1], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![2], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[1], and it's the way of champions[2], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[1], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[2], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![1], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[2], and rather you than me ...[1], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![2], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[1], and rather you than me ...[2], and Battenberg cake for me![1], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[2], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[1], and Battenberg cake for me![2], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![1], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[2], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[1], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![2], and, well, never mind, eh?[1], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[2], and spin ... NOW - !!![3], and, well, never mind, eh?[2], and it's a chance to lose weight[3], and there'll be no room for wimps in the nightmare of Brexit Britain[3], and, oh ... digestives and tea, certainly! / I mean, I'm not saying we should starve[3], and chocolate digestives may be pushing it[3], and the spinning is all we need, ah, not even money / Yes, I honestly believe[3], and I'm so busy, man! / 'What an animal!'[3], and hardworking madman[3], and it's the DIZZY(!) life that makes the world go a-ROUND for us, ain't it, my kook(s)?[3], and I'm happy with a bag of chips, yes, any time of the day, you dig?[3], and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND, and a-ROUND ... / ... and my soul has never been so fit and healthy![3], and it's the way of champions[3], and Canary Wharf? Well, well, well ... / Ha, maybe in another lifetime ...[3], and those Pringles, the cheddar and sour cream ones? No, not any more, they've changed the recipe, man[3], and how many laps will YOU(!) be doing ... er, er, er, more than THREE - ?![3], and rather you than me ...[3], and I presume you're a stranger here / and I can only wish you the best of luck[3], and Battenberg cake for me![3], and I suppose you'll be wanting a cooked English breakfast after all your exertions?[3], and, but, but, but ... it's only in your mind, son/daughter - ![3], and Jesus H. - ! Oh, I try my best to explain it, squares(?) / it is a sort of rocket science though[3], and, well, never mind, eh?[3], and